Welcome to California

Ahh Tony wonder thou hast seen nothing yet. If you really want poor service, come to our beautiful ocean paradise. Where it takes 10 minutes to get a slice of pizza with no one on line in front of you(chinese man says "we make to order".) That's right they'll make a fucking pizza for two slices. Lest you misunderstand this ain't 10 am or 2 in the morn, this is 5 pm at night. I guess these bastards like fresh food, but when you're raping me at 3 bucks a slice for cheese, I want it right fucking now. If I had 10 minutes would I order pizza? No, I'd order a sandwich and I'd only wait 5 minutes for that. Just b/c you throw avocado on everything doesn't mean I'll pay out the nose and wait forever for it. Now here are a few of my favorite california respones:

"May I speak to the manager/your supervisor/anyone else but you, you fuckwit/shit forbrains/waste of my life."
1. "He'll be in on thursday"(its monday)
2. "They're on vacation for Thanksgiving."(Its the friday before thanksgiving, as in 6 days b4 thanksgiving)
or my personal favorite
3.-Blank Stare for 15 seconds- "Why"

In other words this is why they don't allow handguns.

Anyways, this city I live in was supposed to have universal wireless two years ago. Instead we're in a budget crisis that is easily solvable by taxing marijuana producers and licensing all the prosties and massage parlors. Nah, not progressive california, instead I have to use internet in the bar. I mean christ, starbucks don't even have wi-fi.

Let's move on to cheerier subjects.

The restaurant I am employed in has received some pretty sick reviews in the last few months, most especially in a german wine magazine - "Die beste bar en San Francisco." Consequently our executive chef is now referred to as hasslehoff, or chef hoff. He is unamused, therefore more amusing for all of us. We're busy as hell and I am glad to work in an industry where I actually run my ass off from the minute I walk in the door to the time I try to do math drunk and stoned and leave.

On to the Mets, they play here in San Francisco early June, if any AOF readers or editors are interested in paying 10 bucks for a beer and being cold at a baseball game in SF, drop me a line and I'll get you drunk enough to forget you're sleeping in my kitchen under a table.

Until next time kids, when I profile new starting pitchers for the Mets including - Endy Chavez, Kordell Stewart, or possibly that super cute lipstick lesbian couple who cut my hair.