The Writers Strike Has to Stop: Give them the 2.5%

Generally when I write so called "reviews" (complaining about the dreck that are called "hit" reality/competition/"game" shows) of television I'm not actually watching the shows. I'll admit, I'm openly critizing shows that I assume the generally less intelligent masses love, without taking the time to watch them myself. Well thanks to the minor disagreement over 2.5% of internet royalties between the Writers Guild and the TV Networks, there's been a serious lack of new non-garbage programming.

How bad has it actually gotten? Just look at my DVR. I've been recording only new programming and reruns of shows that I enjoy. The short list: American Gladiators, The Big Bang Theory, The Colbert Report, The Daily Show, Gossip Girl, How I Met Your Mother, and Two and a Half Men. Anyone who's watched American Gladiators has to miss the original hosts. Expecting a response to hard hitting questions such as "So , you just earned two points!?", gets you exactly the response to that you'd expect. Also, It's easy to pare down the contestant pool to 8 when at least one gets injured in the first event every show. Here's a picture of the new gladiator Justice - if you pan out, he's actually doubled over ripping a heinous fart and just realized he shit his unitard.

Anyway, it's a sad state of affairs when I have to record Gossip Girl just in case I completely run out of original programming. Still haven't watched it, but shamefully enough, it's there. I think it's this (high school) generations "Dawson's Creek" without the 'beek and Charlie (from Mighty Ducks). I'd do a quick "where are they now" on that cast but it's pretty simple: 'Beek- out of work, "Pacey" - out of work, TomKat - under contract (for life - or 10 years) with a sci-co (pronounced psycho). Michelle Williams is the only one working and is now the single mother of Heath Ledgers child. (moment of silence for the new "Joker"). I'm not a huge fan of Two and a Half Men, but it's decently funny enough to throw on in a pinch. Unless he's playing himself, Charlie Sheen's character is wholly unrealistic in two ways: 1) no man who clearly dyes his hair is banging that many model-hot chicks in their 20's on a regular basis (unless he's actually Charlie Sheen), and 2) no man sits on his couch to watch tv with his legs crossed like a chick. Sure I've seen it done by men before (mostly gay men) but no chauvenistc man sits like that, particularly while watching TV alone. (most would sit like that kid in the picture.

Ok, so I've been watching American Idol. I'll admit, in the early stages it's mildly amusing, but after a while when you've seen one crappy singer, you've seen them all. And seeing the joy of the "good" ones isn't enough because you know that although they made it to Hollywood, they have as much chance winning the big show as AoF has at becoming a legitimate blog. The other show I spent far too much time watching (about 4 mins) was The Moment of Truth. It's a "game" show where they ask people a bunch of questions while connected to a lie detector before the show, then asks them the same questions. The winner is the one who tells the truth. Where the hell is the game in this? What it means is if you have no conscience and really could care less if people know that you've done some morally questionable things or had mean thoughts about a loved one, you could win a bunch of money. Here's an example, I just saw a commercial for The Moment of Truth where they asked a contestant "Do you think your mother is overweight?" Then the cut to a shot of her mom, who is easily a deuce, more likely a deuce and a half. Then the crack producers make it seem like a huge deal, (piping in - I'm thinking "gasp" track) with an audience reaction akin to asking if you enjoy killing kittens and answered "yes!". Like this contestants answer is a big F'n shock. When you have trouble waddling from point A to point B, and don't have a serious groin injury, chances are you're a fat slob. Without the writers, my TV is suffering.

All I can say is it's a good thing Lost is coming back...

Fact: I'm Having a Bad Day, Craigslist, Movie Preview

Today has been especially brutal. The countdown to the last day of work is at 3 days. I actually have and should be doing work to leave one of the projects I've been working on in somewhat reasonable shape. I'm not saying I'm unhappy about leaving, gotta make that paper right? But what irks me is that as I ride off into the sunset, I'll be leaving behind a project that never really got off the ground, partly because I couldn't justify finishing it at my current payscale and partly because the government might be the slowest most painful entity to have to deal with. Also in my wake will be a number of recommendations, including what type of personnel will be necessary to step into my shoes and complete this project. Short of saying "give me a promotion/raise" I really believe that it will take no less than 2 but no more than 3 people in varying roles/responsibilities to get this done, all being paid significantly more than what I'd been exploited into doing for the past 4 months. The bitch of it all is that as much as I'd like to leave the company high and dry on this absurdly important project with a deadline over a month past, I actually like the people I've worked for/with and couldn't bring myself to do that. When I think about what I've done and how much of a struggle it has been living on next to nothing with no benefits, I want to pack my shit up and storm out of here with both middle fingers in the air. Unfortunately, unlike TDX, I'm not one to make a scene when resigning/getting fired. I looked for this new job purely out of necessity, and somehow managed to get lucky with a livable salary/benefits and big firm experience/training to put on my resume. Sadly though, I've come to enjoy blogging, and although most of it is usually disjointed ramblings (much like this current diatribe) I enjoy writing it and don't really give a shit if you enjoy reading it, and I won't be able to do it once the almighty billable hour takes over my life. Anyway, Friday is my final day here, and apparently I've hurt people's feelings over not making a grand announcment that I will be leaving but you know what, I probably couldn't muster anything that wasn't overly sarcastic or offensive. I don't think I can say "I'd stay if I could" (Read: I'd stay if you fuckers paid me enough) any more than I already have and any potential offer they could have made was still way off from even making me slightly consider staying. I guess I'm a little bitter.

My sincerest apologies for that rant. Once I get going it's hard to stop. I started off today on my usual internet scan, metsblog, woot, espn, AoF and Upper Decker. Shockingly there was new content on AoF that wasn't my own. Kudos to TDX for at least pretending to give a shit. I then moved on to looking for a place to live on Craigslist. This bored me rather quickly so I racked my brain for ideas for AoF. I thought about a commentary on Craigslist and remembered that DGD and Ms. DGD had mentioned that the personals were funny/disgusting. So I figured that there would be some fodder for posting in there. Boy was I wrong. 90% of posts were spam, and the other 10% were some combination of silly, desperate, or depressing. Funny and disgusting they were not. Hell, I even perused "Casual Encounters" and came up empty. There we're talking 99% spam, and 1% old "swinger" types, that are probably spam as well. Who tries to lure people into giving out email addresses and what are they even doing with them? I considered venturing into the realm of investigative journalism, but that urge quickly passed. I think the funniest personal ad was titled "Fat Chick Looking for Fun in the Sack"-35. Oh yeah, 35 year old porkers, that's right up my Allie, I mean alley. What I did notice is that no one posting on Craigslist knows how to spell worth a damn and more gay guys post than anyone else. I highly doubt any of this is real or ever works. I'm pissed I wasted my time on a bad tip. Maybe you'll find some entertainment value in there, but I surely didn't. I tried to link Craigslist but I'm guessing you can figure it out. My work decided to block it.

What I finally settled on was merely alerting you to the fact that there a few movies in the works that I am looking forward to not having time to watch. For those of you who are fans of either Happy Madison productions - Grandma's Boy, keep an eye out for Strange Wilderness. Not only is Kevin Heffernan in it (Officer Rod Farva from Super Troopers) but throw in Steve Zahn, Justin Long, and Jonah Hill and you've got a pretty funny cast all around. I think the movie is about a failing nature show that in an effort to save itself from cancellation, decides to document their hunt for bigfoot. The 80's produced much more absurd plot lines and my guess is this cast will turn in a funny performance that will likely be ignored by the general public.

Also keep an eye out for Broken Lizard's (Super Troopers, Beerfest, Club Dread) next movie Slammin' Salmon, about a retired boxer trying to make a comeback. Michael Clarke Duncan plays the boxer, and Cobie Smulders does something - plays the hot girl/love interest is my guess. Personally I've enjoyed Broken Lizard's work, granted a biased opinion, and admittedly their movies are not for everyone. But I'm looking forward to seeing what they do next. (Before Super Troopers 2 or Potfest).

Lastly Kevin Smith is back at it again, and this one doesn't sound like it's going to be anything like Jersey Girl. (Sorry man, that movie was just plain bad.) The title of this one is "Zach and Miri Make a Porno" and it stars Seth Rogan (the cop from Superbad, the degenrate friend from 40 Yr Old Virgin, and the star of Knocked Up) and the blond bookstore girl from 40 Year Old Virgin - name escapes me so I'm going with descriptors (Elizabeth Banks - I broke down and looked it up in my search for pictures). C'mon it's a movie with porno in the title. And Jason Mewes (Jay) has a supporting role. This promises to be more like Clerks than Jersey Girl. My guess is that there will be some underlying love story with witty dialogue and provactive undertones.

NYC Turns to the Third-World

Before we get going here it must be pointed out that TW is a fucking thief. I'd be able to summon more than fake anger at his pilfering of my "In Review" column idea if not for several things, in no particular order. A. I suck at regular posting. B. I wish that I had thought of the column idea. C. Had I reviewed religion I probably would have just posted some offensive rant. D. TW is the only reason this site is still going.

OK, back to the point of this whole thing. There was a particularly interesting article on the front page of amNY the other day. A quick aside: amNY is such a blessing and a curse. Sure, it's free, which is usually what makes it kinda crappy. It does provide me with valuable crosswords to do when I should be doing actual work. It's littered with typos, though, and I probably wouldn't bother with it if not for the fact that every single morning there's about a half dozen people giving it away that harass the shit out of everyone in my subway stop near my office. I usually end up with at least two if for no other reason than to appease those maniacs.

Sorry, that aside turned out not to be that quick. Also, I have no grasp of paragraph structure. I just kind of hit "enter" when there looks like a decent amount of text in it. Anyway, the front page the other day was all about this building on Broadway that's about to fall over. I only mention it because it's around the corner from my office and something seemed odd about it when I first noticed it. It was probably the fact that a complicated system of makeshift wooden planks appeared to be propping it up. It looks laughable how shitty it is and I just kind of dismissed it as there being no chance that could be the case. Turns out I was wrong. NYC is amazing sometimes when you see some of the nonsense that should only be happening in third-world countries.

Good example being something I just caught on the ol' television. It was one of those "Most Amazing Things Ever" type of shows, the kind of shit where people's parachutes don't open or they get bit by a shark but they survive. As if we're supposed to feel bad about people that are fucking with sharks in the first place getting hurt. Anyway, they had a bit about some little girl in Romania that fell down a well and the entire country couldn't figure out how to get her out. Literally the entire country. The news station that was broadcasting it was soliciting suggestions from the public. Ultimately, some skinny teenage chick was lowered in upside down by a rope into this tiny well and pulled the girl out. The best part was that the mayor of the village gave her a plot of land as a reward. I guess they were out of mules.

"Religion" In Review: Scientology

Every 4 or 5 months or so TDX has an "In Review" post. I think the last one was City in Review: Philadelphia, but I'm not going back to look. Today I'm going to review Scientology for two reasons: (1) it's mentioned in 1 of 4 posts on every gossip blog and (2) I want to know whether it's Scientology making Tom Cruise seem insane, or if it's Tom Cruise making Scientology seem like a religion for the insane. Either way, I feel really bad for Katie Holmes. Maybe she got confused and thought she was marrying Christian Bale and at the last second the switched him for Tom. Notice we never hear anything about her. I guess that marriage/children contract came with a gag order. I wonder who Suri's real father is? I'd pay for the paternity test, they can't cost that much right?

I think the hardest part about the Church of Scientology is not being able to find a concrete, relatively concise statement about the religion. All I could find from the "official" website was a lot of ambiguity. For example under "What is Scientology":
Scientology is the study and handling of the spirit in relationship to itself, others and all of life. The religion comprises a body of knowledge extending from certain fundamental truths. Prime among these:
Man is an immortal, spiritual being. His experience extends well beyond a single lifetime. His capabilities are unlimited, even if not presently realized — and those capabilities can be realized. He is able to not only solve his own problems, accomplish his goals and gain lasting happiness, but also achieve new, higher states of awareness and ability.
In Scientology no one is asked to accept anything as belief or on faith. That which is true for you is what you have observed to be true. An individual discovers for himself that Scientology works by personally applying its principles and observing or experiencing results.
Through Scientology, people all over the world are achieving the long-sought goal of true spiritual release and freedom.

At the same time I've found sites posting so-called "secret" documents that reveal the "creationist" belief of Scientology. Here's what the document says, paraphrased: Once upon a time (75 million years ago to be more precise) there was an alien galactic ruler named Xenu. Xenu was in charge of all the planets in this part of the galaxy including our own planet Earth, except in those days it was called Teegeeack.
Now Xenu had a problem. All of the 76 planets he controlled were overpopulated. Each planet had on average 178 billion people. He wanted to get rid of all the overpopulation so he had a plan.
Xenu took over complete control with the help of renegades to defeat the good people and the Loyal Officers. Then with the help of psychiatrists he called in billions of people for income tax inspections where they were instead given injections of alcohol and glycol mixed to paralyse them. Then they were put into space planes that looked exactly like DC8s (except they had rocket motors instead of propellers).
These DC8 space planes then flew to planet Earth where the paralysed people were stacked around the bases of volcanoes in their hundreds of billions. When they had finished stacking them around then H-bombs were lowered into the volcanoes. Xenu then detonated all the H-bombs at the same time and everyone was killed.
The story doesn't end there though. Since everyone has a soul (called a "thetan" in this story) then you have to trick souls into not coming back again. So while the hundreds of billions of souls were being blown around by the nuclear winds he had special electronic traps that caught all the souls in electronic beams (the electronic beams were sticky like fly-paper).
After he had captured all these souls he had them packed into boxes and taken to a few huge cinemas. There all the souls had to spend days watching special 3D motion pictures that told them what life should be like and many confusing things. In this film they were shown false pictures and told they were God, The Devil and Christ. In the story this process is called "implanting".
When the films ended and the souls left the cinema these souls started to stick together because since they had all seen the same film they thought they were the same people. They clustered in groups of a few thousand. Now because there were only a few living bodies left they stayed as clusters and inhabited these bodies.
As for Xenu, the Loyal Officers finally overthrew him and they locked him away in a mountain on one of the planets. He is kept in by a force-field powered by an eternal battery and Xenu is still alive today.
That is the end of the story. And so today everyone is full of these clusters of souls called "body thetans". And if we are to be a free soul then we have to remove all these "body thetans" and pay lots of money to do so. And the only reason people believe in God and Christ was because it was in the film their body thetans saw 75 million years ago.


Trying to mesh the "belief" (or non-belief) with the ambiguous statements is as difficult as mixing oil and water (peanut butter and ladies). At some point, the oily crap will have to separate and float to the top.

The website clearly states that you need not accept anything as belief or on faith, yet when you finally reach the point where you learn about your alien heritage, you've already invested copious amounts of money and time. How pissed are you going to be. It'll be like the time I trained to be a ninja and found out that once I reached the upper levels of my training, I couldn't fart a cloud of smoke and disappear, or fly through the air, leaping from treetop to treetop. Obviously once I learned that, I quit my ninja training and am now studying to be a member of the Matrix.

Ultimately from what I've gathered, Scientology is not a religion. It is a philosophy that L. Ron Hubbard Sr. was able to infuse into his science fiction (Dianetics), and then found a way to make money selling it to people as religion. In 1983 Penthouse published an interview with L. Ron Hubbard Jr. who had feared for his life and confirmed that his father was a con-artist and a wife-beater.

What did I learn from this? I'm not really sure. One of 3 things. Either (1) I'm way off on my information and this is all made up mumbo jumbo; (2) Tom Cruise really is insane; and/or (3) cults are just very influential - or they drugged and raped Tom Cruise and replaced him with a robot.

Speaking of crazy celebs, did you see that Britney might be schizophrenic?

This one hits close to home.

I'm going to apologize, in advance to friends, colleagues and fellow AoF editors for this one. I'm going apologize in particular to friends who are currently in law school and those considering joining the prestigious legal profession. I'm sorry. While it may be unclear as to why I am apologizing, I'll preface this post with all AoF editors are lawyers in some capacity, for better or most likely worse.

That said I'll start with a bit of good news. The "luster" associated with being a lawyer is fading. While it may have been the hot trend 3 or 4 years ago when I decided to being my pursuit to join the ranks of the over worked and underpaid, which at the time was a situation that I think most people were largely unaware of, college grads who want to make "moolah" are passing on law and medicine, two of what used to be considered the "nobler professions" (I'd say it's probably just doctors who are considered noble now...) for a career at a hedge fund or private equity firm. Volume of applications to law school have been steadily dropping, more than 10% over the last two years alone. Why is this good news? Less lawyers, means more jobs, means (theoretically) higher salaries. Applications are down, but enrollment is not, at least not yet. Law schools have become money-making machines, focusing on getting more students in, making more money, not really caring about the education (at least from and administration perspective) and churning out lawyers who subsequently suffer with six figure debt, and mediocre 5 figure salaries.

I tend to make a lot of references to Chris Rock's comedy routine. I'm probably over generalizing how widespread his comedy routines are and I'm sure 90% of people who seek them haven't committed them to memory. Rock speaks of a "stripper myth". The myth being "I'm stripping to pay my way through school." The then goes on to deconstruct the myth. Law school is much like this stripper myth. "I'm taking on an absurd amount of debt, because when I graduate I'll be able to pay it with my high paying job at a prestigious firm." The high paying job is the "stripping to pay for school" and law school is the stripper. Except in my example, it's the law student who's losing his/her shirt.

Everyone likes to feel good, which is why the New York Times can report, happily, that Big Firm New York starting salaries are ballooning from $140,000 when I was a 1L (first year law student) to $160,000 now, and upwards of $180,000. Truth of the matter is though, almost all of those jobs go to graduates of the top 5-10 law schools or the top 5% of their class, and the rest of us are stuck with salaries 60% less than that. Here's a list of the top and bottom 25 salaries coming out of law school. I am happy to say that my school was not on the bottom 25 list. Probably due to the fact that no one reports their salaries to the school post-graduation.

To be fair, I'm not saying I dislike being a lawyer. But I am a little disgusted at the salary deception that attracts people to law like moths to a bug zapper. The profession and the learning that takes place may be noble but I think many of the intelligent people who go to law school would have been intelligent enough to decide on another career path had they known it would mean huge loan payments that basically handcuff you with debt because the starting salaries are significantly lower than what you would have expected. I work for one of the largest franchises in the world, and I'm still looking for more money. How does that make any sense?

Hiatus Over....Probably

I haven't necessarily spoken to DGD about our combined lack of posting, but I think it's a given that he joins me in thanking TW for holding down the fort on AoF. He's been quite excellent lately in his coverage of all things relevant for the modern society. I mean, really, sophisticated political analysis from a man who has never voted before? Introduction to Modern (f)Art? Posts peppered with masturbation jokes? I don't know if DGD and myself are even necessary for the sustained excellence (subjective term) of AoF.

Nevertheless, I hope to be back now in a more permanent capacity than has been the case over the past month or so. I would apologize for my (probably less than notable) absence, but screw you, I don't need to explain myself to anyone. OK, for what it's worth, I started a new job. I say "new" job because it sounds much better than just saying I became un-unemployed and no longer sit on my couch full-time. To be fair though, plenty of successful people spend much of their time sitting around all day. A couple come to mind....luminaries such as FDR and Jabba the Hut. And as for the "job" aspect, NYC is my employer, so I'm sure the taxpayers will be happy to find out that precious little of their tax dollars find their way into my pocket. However, I have already begun my full-scale office supply stealing operation. We hope to be on the moon by 2012....or at least steal one of those sweet automatic staplers.

Wow...here we are...three paragraphs in...I wonder how fast anyone's gonna catch on that this post is about nothing. I almost instinctively fell back on something sports related but I guess that's what The Upper Decker's for. You gotta admit, by the way, that that's one great name for a blog. TW is good at what he does. Unfortunately for his overlords at work, it doesn't involve any of the things they actually pay him for.

As for something topical, I'm just gonna have to go with zombies/a half assed movie review. "I am Legend" pissed me off. Granted I saw it a couple of weeks ago now, but it still bothers me. You probably all know that its the third movie version of the 1950s book by the same name that largely introduced into pop culture the whole concept of vampirism. Well, the movie just didn't have enough vampires. Dammit Will Smith, fight some more vampires, drive some stakes through their heart, do something other than recruit people to Scientology. The only conclusion to take is that if Martin Lawrence had been there at least there would have been witty banter. Or an acapella rendition of the "Bad Boys" theme. Something at least. Oh yeah, for anyone who gets worked over the fact that I just said a few lines ago that I was gonna talk about zombies and then went straight into vampires, just remember that vampires are just zombies with some style. Kinda like Buck Nasty.

Everyone can think of someone like this.

It had a name and we didn't even know it. Nor did we know that there was a quasi subculture with crop dusting at it's root. It may be purely a phenomenon, but exist it does, and the internet has become a vehicle for unifying the movement. I'm talking about fartists. The Urban Dictionary defines "Fartist" as "One who elevates the act of passing gas(flatulence) to an art form." Coined by "Loveline" host Adam Carolla. "When I pass gas at the writing table at 'Jimmy Kimmell Live', I'm expressing myself--I'm a fartist."

An art form indeed.

But what about when you go beyond the fArt and use your gas for less noble means? The Urban Dictionary defines such a person as a "Martial Fartist". Someone who purposely uses their farts to annoy someone else.
JT likes to let his Don Fee build up lots of pressure, then he comes over to my cubicle and squeezes out his bean bomb real hard and fast, making a super loud & stinky fart. JT's a real martial fartist!

There is both the art and the offense, here's an example of the art. This French "Fartiste" elevated his special skills to professional flatulism.

The example of a martial fartist comes from an anonymous vigilante on Craigslist. Farting for the good of man. Passing gas on the wicked. I'll post his entire Craigslist statement for your enjoyment.

If V is for Vendetta, F is for Fartist.
The first part of the word is “fart” for the act of firing bacteria created air and poo particles at an incredible speed. Everyone one does it, and it has been proven that farts bring joy, yet they are taboo in public. The second part of the word is “artist” because that is what I am. Much like Picasso wielded a paint and easel, I have the ability to practically fart on command and have perfected the ventriloquist and ricochet methods which allow me to strike with devastating accuracy from cover much like a highly trained sniper.
My main hunting grounds are the mean streets of BART, which I am forced to endure twice a day for half an hour at a time. Many people from other places tell me that BART is great or some similar shit, but anyone who rides it daily like me knows that it sucks. To pay $10 a day for the right to park and ride to and from work is excruciating, especially on the way home when I think about paying to stand on a packed train with a bunch of self absorbed aholes. But I must give BART some credit, for they launched my career as the most lethal vigilante in history.
Here is a list of some of the victims and the methods with which they were punished:

Mr. Read the newspaper to his wife on speaker phone guy: You are on the top of the list for one reason and one reason only; you are without a doubt the biggest asshole in history. Who sits there and yells on speaker phone and reads stories about an axe murderer to his wife during rush hour (in the elderly and handicapped seat no less)? You do. I fought for almost two minutes, desperately pumping the volume up button on my iPod trying to block out your transgressions. My career as a fartist started then, my ignorant self absorbed friend, and you were treated to turkey chili con queso. Oooooh it was hot and wet when I crop dusted you, how did it smell? Call your wife and tell her about it.

Ms. Lower her shoulder and cram her way on to a way too packed train lady: I could not believe you were actually going to try to cram your way on to our way too packed train, but you sealed the deal when you lowered your shoulder and repeatedly rammed your way into the crowded mass of frustrated passengers. It took me a stop or two, but slowly I was able to back my tight buttocks right up to within 2 feet of your short ugly face. I used the silencer once again but you bathed in it. When you cried, “Oh god, who farted?” I was crying I was laughing so hard.

Two teenage girls talking about sex and two teenage guys talking about taking drugs and driving: You have no idea how stupid you sound talking about subjects like that on a silent BART train during the afternoon commute. I saw one lady actually get up and move away because your conversation was so inane and ignorant. Bonus points for the one girl saying she prefers wine and salmon to a beer and burger now, I can’t tell you how impressed we all were with you. The woman behind you who rolled her eyes and slumped in her seat wanted more of your tips on living the high life for sure. And guys, I’m not sure what drug exactly you were talking about taking and then driving on the freeway but I just hope you don’t take anyone with you when you earn your Darwin Awards. I approached smiling, appearing to be heading for the exit, utterly forgettable in my everyday Dockers with polar fleece pullover. You were all sitting together in the “quad” chairs that face each other and no one else was around you for obvious reasons. The ambient noise from the tunnel meant I was able to really make you shiver when I delivered, I am actually shocked that a burnt hole wasn’t left in the back of my pants. It was one of my fall specials, a preseason pumpkin fart that smells for five minutes. By the time you realized what was happening I was doubled over laughing on the escalator in the station, I hope my gas taught you something valuable. Silence is golden.

Next time, more victims and a discussion over which came first – the need to fart or the elevator.

We all look forward to next time good sir.

Here's a couple of YouTube clips to stink up your day.




The Anonymous Fartist




Enjoy!

Idiocy Abound

I'd be lying if I said there weren't a lot of things I find irritating or annoying. Truth be told, I find most things end up pissing me off. For example, I just read that the Spears family is mad at Dr. Phil for not keeping his mouth shut after making a visit to Britney. First off, Britney Spears is crazy. That's it. Doctors can come up with all sorts of fancy names to pair with fancy drugs that are supposed to help you deal with life, but when push comes to shove we're ultimately dealing with crazy. Now the Spears family is upset because they brought Dr. Phil in under an "invitation of trust", and he violated that trust by making public statements. Dr. Phil did not breach an sort of confidentiality. In fact, is he even really a doctor, or is he as much a doctor as Judge Reinhold is a jurist? Even if he is licensed to practice medicine somewhere, how dumb do you have to be to believe that Dr. Phil is the most qualified psychologist to treat your daughter? When the CIA has to deal with a terrorist threat on a presidential candidate they don't go talk to the writers of 24 or ask Jack Bauer for suggestsions. (or maybe they do....) Either way, when your daughter goes nuts, and you're loaded, you don't go to Dr. Phil, you go to a respected person in the field. Much like my Kim Clijsters post, inevitably someone will comment angrily on how Dr. Phil is legit, and you know what maybe you're right. That doesn't change the fact that when you enlist a celebrity psychologist as a celebrity, there's a good chance they're going to talk about you. I think the whole world is sick of hearing about how Britney fucked up her life. What is most amazing about the whole thing is that from the day Britney married some kid from her high school in Vegas, and then turned around and married K-Fed, we all knew it was over. But what we didn't know, and I suppose this could be chalked up to karma or fate, was how spectacular the decline would be and how great K-Fed would come out looking in comparison. Seriously, now HE'S filing restraining orders? Fuck all of them.

Try this one on for size. Imagine you're a man (probably not hard for most readers). Imagine your wife decides to get a part time job. Great you say, not only will I have some time to myself to watch Girls Gone Wild tapes and masturbate furiously, but I can visit a brothel or two while she's gone and she'll pull in some extra spending money. Everything is peachy, until, on one of your trips to the ole' whore house, you are surprised to find that your wife's part time job is at the brothel, as a prostitute. Two things run through your mind (1) do I have to pay, and (2) where is she hiding all this extra money, they don't pay this well at the local kielbasa shop (I forgot to mention you are polish). Mull that one over.

Would it be fair to say?: Jersey Still Sucks (FACT)

It's been a while since I wrote a "Would it be fair to say?" column. That probably has something to do with there being far too much FACT to assert. Ok, there hasn't been much fact asserted either, and I'll give a pass to my fellow AoF editors for not writing, as they start their legal careers, although there wasn't much writing going on PRIOR to full time employment. My guess is you won't notice much of a change. I suppose if I didn't spend time at work doing this, I'd probably be (a) more productive at work and (b) posting infrequently. My guess is you won't see much more sports related content here, since the '08 launch of "The Upper Decker", AoF's affiliate sports site. Which could also account for the lack of posting... (Ok, so far it's also only been me writing there, but the Birdman is involved, so commentary is bound to get a bit flighty).
As you've probably read I've been following the political primaries pretty closely, if for nothing else a lack of baseball to watch or trades to talk about. I did the most superficial of analysis on the four main candidates based primiarily on the issues, and came out with a Obama-Giuliani final selection, but with no weight given to the personal importance of issues.

I thought it would be a good time to give an update on a few things that I found noteworthy from the campaign trail and politics in general. The New Hampshire primary will be done today, and chances are, by the time you read this, Clinton will be one step closer to dropping out of the race and Obama one step closer to full party support for the Democratic nomination. But that hasn't stopped both sides from throwing a few punches in the closing seconds of the second round. Meanwhile on the Republican side, two candidates that may or may not be legitimate are also battling it out, with the likely result being both with egg on their faces and another candidate winning the nomination. Which makes me wonder, what makes New Hampshire so special? I mean seriously, Romney and McCain are the frontrunners in that state? This is going to end up being quite an interesting primary.

Anyway, I was listening to 1050 ESPN Radio this morning and heard a GEICO commercial about how they are lowering their rates in New Jersey so everyone should switch. Made me wonder, what is the great Garden State up to these days? Besides the typical, bad drivers, bad road design, armpit of the country commentary, I hadn't heard much at all. So I did a little research and something caught my eye. I'm going to be generous and say this is coming about 150 years too late, but hey, like Drama trying to bang LA's #1 Party Girl of the 1990's some things are better late than never. In a move that shocked the world (mostly because of the fact that it hadn't already happened), New Jersey formally apologized for slavery. In a gesture to make up for past transgressions, and due to a shortage of 40 acre plots, (apparently mules are plentiful though), New Jersey sent hair gel and wife beaters to any resident who had lived there since the mid to late 19th century. Outrageous but timely. And you know what? Bruce Springsteen and Bon Jovi still suck. Check out this site.

This last bit of news comes from Vegas, where Panasonic revealed the worlds largest plasma TV. At 150 inches, this TV cannot be comfortably viewed from a distance of less than 30 feet. Unveiling the television, Panasonic's president Toshihiro Sakamoto said: "Can you imagine sitting at home and watching the Olympics on this baby?" Actually Toshihiro, I can't. I can imagine being able to watch American Gladiators in my living room while sitting on my neighbor across the street's toilet bowl. I can imagine being able to watch my TV on my computer using Google Earth. Unless they're going to install a bigger version as the "jumbotron" at Citifield, I can only see myself installing this in my three level home cinema. And that place only exists in my dreams. I'm going to take this moment to give a shout out to Fred Manteghian. He's out in Las Vegas at this trade show, probably watching that huge TV, and reviewing all the fancy new technology (all while his daughter slaves away in the library - I'd throw in the symbol for "sad face" if it wasn't so gay and it's not all that sad). About once a month I enjoy his reviews on audio-visual equipment that for the most part I cannot, and probably will never be able to, afford. But hey, it's a good read, so I recommend it.

That's it for now. I smell someone peeling oranges nearby. I think I'm going to kick them in the nuts.

Rep.pin' It.

Out of sheer laziness I don't think I can analyze more than two candidates at a time. With the Democrats it was easy, it's been Obama-Clinton the whole time, with a little Edwards sprinkled in. But the Republicans...there hasn't been a clear frontrunner at any point. Giuliani put on a good show to start, made zero splash in Iowa since he pretty much told Iowa-ns to fuck off, likely for the fear that trying and failing there would kill his chances in New Hampshire and ultimately any shot at the nomination. So, there's still a chance for him apparently. There's Mitt Romney, the Massachusetts Mormon who stood a chance in Iowa, but is effectively finished as a result of his loss to Mike Huckabee. From what I'd read, a loss of 50% or more of the Christian Conservative vote would pretty much doom Romney. He lost 60% of it. Romney, out. Then there's Huckabee, whose partnership with Chuck Norris provides for some great Youtube clips. I'm losing motivation by the minute, so I'm just going to get right into it with Chuck, I mean Huck and Ruuuuuudy. Same +/- system applies.

Gov. Mike Huckabee
Republican (Born August 24, 1955) Executive, pastor
Iraq War Issues: Supports Bush's Iraq War troop surge. Source
(-)

Security/liberties: Source
(o)

Social Security: Maintain long-term solvency of Social Security and Medicare. (Aug 2001) Maintain federal funding of Social Services Block Grants. (Sep 1999) Source
(-)

Stem cell research: Opposes federally funded stem cell research. Source
(-)

Same sex issues: Respect gay couples but don't change institution of marriage. (Jan 2007) Signed legislation outlawing same-sex marriage in Arkansas. (Dec 2006) No civil unions; only one-man-one-woman marriage. (Nov 2002) Source
(-)

Trade issues: Governor Huckabee's record on trade is limited, but positive. In 2003, he pushed for free trade with Mexico, calling for a "strong market of the Americas" and supporting NAFTA (AP 10/03/03). In 2006, he signed an agreement between Arkansas and a South Korea trade group, calling for increased commerce between the southern state and South Korea (AP 06/23/06). Source
(+) I'll buy it.

Budget issues: He is a self-described fiscal conservative who favors a flat tax. However the CATO Institute in their Fiscal Policy Report Card on America's Governors: 2006 gave Huckabee an "F". Source
(+) The flat tax sounds fair in theory, but the actual effects are different.

Business & labor issues: Source
(o) This guy doesn't take a stance on anything...

Abortion issues: Abortion should be legal when the life of the woman is endangered. Eliminate public funding for abortions and public funding of organizations that advocate or perform abortions Source
(-)

Capital punishment: Supports the death penalty. Source
(-)

Marijuana: Would not decriminalize the use of marijuana for medicinal purposes. Source
(-)

Gun control: Supports the positions of the NRA. Source
(-) This is getting ridiculous.

Minimum wage: As governor, he supported the $1.10-per-hour minimum wage increase as a safeguard against a proposed constitutional amendment that would have increased the minimum wage yearly for inflation. Source
(-) What a douche.

Health care: Supports the concept that the goverment should ensure that citizens have access to basic health care through managed care, insurance reforms, or state funded care where necessary. Source
(-) I'm moving to Canada.

Prescription drugs: Source
(o)

Environmental issues: Source
(o)

Immigration issues: We shouldn't have amnesty where we just say, "Fine, everybody's good, we're going to let it go." We should have a process where people can pay the penalties, step up and accept responsibility for not being here legally. But here's the point. The objective is not to be punitive. The objective is to make things right. Right for us. Right for them. And what I have objected to in the past is when we are punishing the children for the laws that maybe their parents have broken. I do have a problem with that. Source Mostly supports amnesty/permanent legalization for illegal aliens. No know opinion on temporary legalization for illegal aiens as guestworkers Source
(+)

Education issues: Does not support government-funded vouchers to send their children to any participating school (public, private, religious). Source
(+)

+/- Total: -6
Looks like my conservative upbringing is not in line with the Conservative political view. What do you expect from an evangelical...

Ex-Mayor Rudy Giuliani
Republican(Born May 28, 1944) Lawyer, businessman
War authorization: Has supported Bush's management of the war in Iraq from the start. Referring to McCaskill’s call to redeploy troops away from Iraq over the next two years, Giuliani said: “Giving your enemy the impression that you’re going to run away emboldens them.” Source
(+) At least there's consistancy. And if I don't give him props for what he did for New York I'll be labelled "unAmerican"

Security/liberties: Giuliani applauded [former Senator] Talent’s support for the Patriot Act and electronic surveillance of terror suspects. “Mob suspects and terrorists do not come walking into your office and confess,” he said. “You have to intrude. Source
(+) Interesting statement, assuming that it's even possible to pick out terror suspects without profiling, I'll buy it.

Social Security: He favors allowing some investment in private accounts. Source
(+) Not really sure what that means, but if it alleviates the pressure on us to pay for Social Security that we won't see...I'm all for it.

Stem cell research: Supports stem cell research. Source
(+) Good call.

Same sex issues: "Gays should be protected. I signed The Domestic Partnership Law in New York. But the way I'm portrayed by my opponents -- and I guess to drive people away from me -- is that I'm in favor of gay marriage. I am not." Larry King Show
(o) Eh, marriage is a religious institution. I'm not going to get hung up on semantics. Joint tax filing for all!!!

Trade issues:
(o) no trade i guess...

Budget issues: According to his campaign site, "Rudy Giuliani inherited a $2.3 billion dollar budget deficit and turned it into a multi-billion dollar surplus, while cutting taxes and delivering balanced budgets. He cut the number of full-time city workers by more than 20,000 – excluding teachers, firefighters, and police officers – while slowing the growth of government spending to below the rate of inflation."
(+) But what does that mean for multi billion dollar spending on a war? I guess he could cut that out and get back in the black.

Business & labor issues:
(+)

Abortion issues: Pro-choice.
(+)

Capital punishment: Supports death penalty.
(-)

Marijuana: Does not support legalization of marijuana.
(-)

Gun control: Favors gun control. "But I also understand the second amendment. I understand the right to bear arms. I think that a lot of these things have to be resolved on a state by state basis. And I used say often when I was the mayor, it's one thing for New York, it's something different for Texas." Larry King Show
(+) True. Crazy rednecks, at least the booze screws up their aim.

Minimum wage: Opposed increase in minimum wage. Source
(-)

Health care: The nation's current system of health care is "imperfect'' but a single-payer system, such as found in Europe and Canada, is not the way to improve it, according to Giuliani. "We (need to) build it based on private insurance, competition, markets,'' Giuliani said. Giuliani noted that even with the current "imperfect'' health care system stories of residents from Europe, Canada and other countries coming to the United States for state-of-the-art medical treatment are common but stories of American's traveling to other countries for medical treatment are rare at best. Source
(-)

Prescription drugs: Called for moratorium on prescription drug importation. "We should not contemplate opening our borders to threats to our medicine supply when in all other aspects we are searching for ways to tighten the security of our borders," Giuliani says in his report. Source
Environmental issues: As mayor of New York City, Giuliani's environmental record was mixed -- "pretty unremarkable, and at times dismal," said Ashok Gupta, chief energy economist for the New York City-based Natural Resources Defense Council. But he noted that Giuliani was "supportive" of the environmentally ambitious green-development projects of his close friend and colleague George Pataki, governor of New York. Source
(-)

Immigration issues: Supports amnesty/permanent legalization for illegal aliens and temporary legalization for illegal aiens as guestworkers Source
(+)

Education issues: Giuliani believes that every parent should have “the ability to send their child to the school of their choice, be it public, private, or parochial.” --Campaign website
(o) This is not taking a stand...

Before I even tally this up, I think Huckaboom is smoked. Sorry Chuck, please don't roundhouse kick me in the head...

+/- Total: +4

Well that's the end of my candidate selection. Looks like Obama-Giuliani would make things difficult for me. And who knows what these candidates are going to do to screw up their candidacy. Clearly by no means is this a perfect science. Counting cards is no guarantee that you'll win big in blackjack, and there's still plenty of time for me to become more jaded. At least now I (and you) have an idea of where I stand. If Chuck Norris ran for president I may have to change my analysis. I'll follow up in the next few weeks.

Dem's Da Laws...

Sen. Hillary Clinton - Democrat
(Born October 26, 1947) Attorney, professor
War authorization: Voted for war authorization, but believes that vote was a mistake based on faulty information provided by the White House. Now calls for withdrawal of US troops. (-) Decimate a country, remove a dictator, then bounce? Wham, bam, no thank you 'mam.

Security/liberties: Clinton supported the interests of the American Civil Liberties Union 83% in 2005-2006, 78% in 2003-2004, 60% in 2001-2002. Clinton supported the interests of the American Security Council 20 percent in 2003-2004 and supported the interests of the Center for Security Policy 28 percent in 2003-2004. On 03/02/2006 voted for the USA PATRIOT Act Reauthorization. On 12/16/2005 voted against USA PATRIOT Act Reauthorization. On 07/14/2005 voted for Disclosure of Classified Information Amendment. On 10/06/2004 voted for National Intelligence Reform Act. On 10/25/2001 voted for USA Patriot Act. The flip flopping on the PATRIOT Act worries me. (+) I wonder how long it took to come up with an acronym that spells out PATRIOT? It's as much about selling the law as "American" as it is about infringing on Americans rights.

Social Security: Opposes privatizing. Clinton supported the interests of the Alliance for Retired Americans 100 percent in 2005.

(-) I know it's necessary to carry to older vote, but using the government to funnel my money to retirees without knowing if there will be anything left when it's my turn...better up the 401K...

Stem cell research: Voted for HR 810: Stem Cell Research Enhancement Act of 2005.

(+) If conservativism is standing in the way of curing cancer and other diseases...

Same sex issues: Voted against constitutional ban of same-sex marriage. Supports gay domestic partnership benefits.

(+) ...not that there's anything wrong with that...

Trade issues: Supported the interests of the CATO Institute (free trade advocates) 50% in 2003-2004 and 17% and 2001-2002.

(o) No opinion at the moment. I like the idea of free trade, but not at the expense of the domestic economy.

Budget issues: The balanced budget advocates, the Concord Coalition, gave Senator Clinton a rating of 58% in the most recent rating (2001-2002).

(-) just because...58% is still failing...
Business & labor issues: Supported the interests of the U.S. Chamber of Commerce 35% in 2005.

(-) In my limited dealing with the Chamber of Commerce, their agenda seemed reasonable, I'd like to see greater support.

Abortion issues: Pro-choice.

(+)

Capital punishment: Advocates the death penalty.

(-) Crapital Punishment. Does it really cost more to execute someone rather than keep them in prison for life? I wonder what the mentality of someone on death row is, especially if they are wrongfully convicted...

Marijuana: Does not favor legalizing marijuana.

(-) I know, first thought is, pothead. But marijuana is arguably less dangerous than alcohol, and actually has medicinal properties. It doesn't damage your liver, or have a "disease" (alcoholism) associated with it. Drink responsibly - thanks Anheuser-Busch? Smoke responsibly. The only positive that alcohol brings to society is as a disinfectant, the rubbing kind. I'm not saying it's bad, I'm just saying weed isn't worse. The fact that it can be legitimately prescribed in California should be the first indicator that it's not so bad.

Gun control: The NRA gives her an F, and the Brady Campaign to Prevent Gun Violence gives her a 100% rating.

(+) I'm not much of a gun guy, despite my desire to check out the Smith & Wesson gun school. I understand the right to bear arms, but from a personal perspective, I'm not packing, so I'd rather you didn't too.

Minimum wage: Favors increasing the minimum wage.

(+) Who does that really help? the 15-16 year olds? I recall making minimum wage (shit I'm not doing much better now) at $5.15 and that was a dozen + years ago. People will be taken advantage of either way. But let's throw the kids a bone...

Health care: She supported the interests of the American Public Health Association 80% in 2005 and 100% of the time in 2004.

(+) I don't have health insurance. Sure, I could have opted for COBRA, but I like to live dangerously...

Prescription drugs: In 2005 voted for the Medicare Prescription Drug Benefit Amendment and Prescription Drug Plan Amendment.

(+) mmmm prescription drugs...tend to make me vomit. I'm lucky I can get Claritin O.T.C..

Environmental issues: Environmental groups have given her ratings in 90's and 100%.

(+) I won't hug a tree, but I'll give it a nod. I won't hesitate to take down a tiger at the zoo though.

Immigration issues: Clinton supported the interests of the American Immigration Lawyers Association 88 percent in 2006. She supported the interests of the U.S. Border Control 8 percent in 2005-2006. She supported the interests of the Federation for American Immigration Reform 0 percent in 2005. Supports amnesty/permanent legalization for illegal aliens and temporary legalization for illegal aiens as guestworkers.

(+) Might be hypocritical if I didn't support this...but then again, wouldn't we all?

Education issues: Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton slammed private-school voucher proposals yesterday, predicting that vouchers would eventually lead to the creation of taxpayer-financed white supremacist academies - or even a government-funded "School of the Jihad." Clinton, a longtime voucher foe who earned the backing of the city teachers union in 2000, says government financing of sectarian groups would incite ethnic and religious conflict - and encourage fringe groups to demand government cash to run their schools.

(+) Wow...I think...

+/- Total: +5

Since I've already pretty much stated my opinions on these issues, I'll comment only when I feel it is necessary.

Sen. Barack Obama - Democrat
(Born August 4, 1961) Attorney, lecturer.
War authorization: As a state senator, he spoke out against Iraq war, before the war started. Has long favored a phased withdrawal.

(-) At least steadfast but with high potential to leave Iraq in turmoil.

Security/liberties: He voted against and later for bills to reauthorizing the PATRIOT Act. "Let me be clear: this compromise is not as good as the Senate version of the bill, nor is it as good as the SAFE Act that I have cosponsored. I suspect the vast majority of my colleagues on both sides of the aisle feel the same way. But, it's still better than what the House originally proposed. This compromise does modestly improve the PATRIOT Act by strengthening civil liberties protections without sacrificing the tools that law enforcement needs to keep us safe." --February 16, 2006 Source. Obama supported the interests of the American Civil Liberties Union 83 percent in 2005-2006. "Senator Obama is a member of the Senate Homeland Security and Governmental Affairs Committee and has supported efforts to base homeland security spending on risk rather than pork-barrel politics. He has also introduced legislation to strength chemical plant and drinking water security and to enhance disaster preparedness." -Campaign site

(+) The waters are muddy, but I like the overall flavor.

Social Security: Senator Obama supported the interests of the Alliance for Retired Americans 100 percent in 2005.

(-)

Stem cell research: Supports federally funded stem cell research.

(+) Federally Funded?

Same sex issues: Opposes gay marriage; supports civil union & gay equality.

(-) What's the difference? Marriage or Civil Union? Potato - PoTAHto...

Trade issues: Has a mixed voting record of trade issues. Voted for free trade agreement with Oman. Voted against implementing CAFTA for Central America free-trade. In 2005-2006 USA Engage gave Senator Obama a rating of C. "USA*ENGAGE promotes responsible alternatives to sanctions that actually advance US humanitarian and foreign policy goals, such as intensified US diplomacy and multilateral cooperation."

(o)

Budget issues: "Senator Obama voted against the most recent effort to raise the national debt limit. The current national debt has exceeded $8.6 trillion dollars, and nearly $4 trillion of that debt is now held by foreign governments. Our national debt and annual budget deficits effectively tax all Americans by adding to the amount of interest paid to service U.S. borrowing." Source Obama supported the interests of the National Taxpayers Union 6 percent in 2005.

(+)

Business & labor issues: Obama supported the interests of the National Federation of Independent Business 12 percent in 2005-2006. "Sen. Obama regularly supports legislation that we support. There have been no votes in the Senate on legislation we track, therefore our system may have reported 0% simply because no votes were cast. His actual support of NAGC issues is 100%." - J.R. Claeys, President, National Association of Government Contractors He supported the interests of the U.S. Chamber of Commerce 39 percent in 2005. He supported the interests of the United Auto Workers 93 percent in 2005. He supported the interests of the AFL-CIO 92 percent in 2005.

(o)

Abortion issues: Obama supported the interests of the Planned Parenthood 100 percent in 2006. Obama supported the interests of the National Right to Life Committee 0 percent in 2005-2006. Obama supported the interests of the NARAL Pro-Choice America 100 percent in 2005.

(+)

Capital punishment: Obama says the death penalty "does little to deter crime" but he supports it for cases in which "the community is justified in expressing the full measure of its outrage." As as state senator, Obama worked with law enforcement officials to require the videotaping of interrogations and confessions in all capital cases. Source

(+)

Marijuana: Famously admitted to using illegal drugs in his book. On the issue of medicinal marijuana, Obama said that if the "best way to relieve pain and suffering is through medicinal marijuana," then it's something he's open to. Source

(+)

Gun control: Obama supported the interests of the Gun Owners of America 0 percent in 2005. Based on lifetime voting records on gun issues and the results of a questionnaire sent to all state legislative candidates in 2004, the National Rifle Association Political Victory Fund assigned Senator Obama a grade of F (with grades ranging from a high of A+ to a low of F).

(+)

Minimum wage: Voted for increases in the minimum wage.

(+)

Health care: "Too many hard-working Americans cannot afford their medical bills, and health-related issues are the number one cause for personal bankruptcy. Promoting affordable, accessible, and high-quality health care is a priority for Senator Obama." -Campaign site

(+)

Prescription drugs: "To help lower the cost of prescription drugs, Senator Obama has supported efforts to allow American seniors to purchase prescription drugs in Canada and bring them back to the U.S. He also has supported giving Medicare the ability to negotiate lower drug prices."

(+)

Environmental issues: Obama supported the interests of the American Wilderness Coalition 100 percent in 2005. Obama supported the interests of the Defenders of Wildlife Action Fund 88 percent in 2005. Obama supported the interests of the League of Conservation Voters 95 percent in 2005.

(+)

Immigration issues: Obama supported the interests of the American Immigration Lawyers Association 88 percent in 2006. Obama supported the interests of the U.S. Border Control 8 percent in 2005-2006. Obama supported the interests of the Federation for American Immigration Reform 0 percent in 2005. Supports amnesty/permanent legalization for illegal aliens and temporary legalization for illegal aliens as guestworkers.

(+)

Education issues: Opposes vouchers.

(+)

+/- Total: +10

At the moment, I appear to align more on the issues with Obama than Clinton. Given that I am feeling lazy, I will not do this for Edwards until he becomes more relevant in the Democratic primaries.

Republicans to come...

2008: The Year of the Rat

I have never held a strong interest in politics. For whatever the reason it just did not interest me. At times I feel jaded by the thought that those currently in power are firmly entrenched (individually yes, but much more as a group). The political system and "democracy" as we know it could all be a farce where those in power get richer and more powerful and everyone else, upper middle class on down, sleeps easy at night thinking that their interests are being taken care of and their civil liberties are intact. Is there a silent majority? A silent majority of politically apathetic individuals (I'm including myself in this group), that may hear P. Diddy proclaim from on high that you must "Vote or Die", yet are intelligent enough to know that within your state that damned electoral college will render your vote meaningless as your state is always red or always blue and your measley vote will do nothing to change that?

Perhaps there exists a group of people unregistered or undecided who's views straddle the political line. Maybe those who care enough about politics identify as "Libertarian" after doing a bit of research. The phrase "I am fiscally conservative but socially liberal" is one that I have heard time and again, even uttered from my own lips. But if this unorganized, unidentified, quasi political group, (that hates taxes and thinks the war spending is a waste of money yet a necessity given the current situation, and the educational system is f'd in the a by the No Child Left Behind act), does indeed exist, there is no way to identify it. I think it spans the age demographic, but may be firmly entrenched in one age group (Gen X/Gen Y). If this group does exist, there is little chance that it will ever be formally organized. You would have to have even the slightest faith in the political process to think that such a group would have a chance at rising (off their couches) formally organizing, and throwing around any sort of political weight.

A number of years back, a friend of mine, who I met through a job, and kept his "ear to the streets", told me a few things, (1) the "true" story behind 50 Cent getting shot, and the feud with Ja Rule, (this was well before it was published in Playboy and in a promotional DVD), (2) the blander your diet, the easier it is to avoid bad foods; he only ate lettuce and tomato on a roll, with an occassional side of fries for lunch everyday, no meat (I lost 30 pounds that summer - gained it all back and then some since) and (3) that the urban masses are restless, and an uprising is inevitable. Now, this guy is not Nostradamus, but rarely do you get to hear a voice from a different walk of life comment on social issues from the position of just another guy, rather than political activist or politician.

So here we are, in 2008, the year of the Rat (according to my month of february calendar), and assuming the position that (as I have been told) I am shirking my duties as an American citizen (which I'd have agreed with in 2002 when I received a letter threatening legal action if I didn't register for selective service - a consequence of never registering to vote) by not voting, I am going to do my duty as an American and take an interest in the 2008 Presidential Election. I've been keeping an eye on the campaign advertising, diligently reading the Drudge Report, without delving too far into the issues, and am going to first examine the Democratic candidates, then (in another post) the Republicans. I'll use a +, - rating system, kind of like counting cards in blackjack. Maybe I'll come to a conclusion, maybe not. Hell, maybe I'll even vote this time around.

I'll probably have to put this in separate posts...