Tigers Are Dangerous

I consider myself to be a fairly sympathetic person. However, there come a few instances every year which make me say, good, motherfucker had it coming. One such instance from last year being the car accident in my town that killed a few scumbags. The call on the field: that's too bad. Then it comes out that they were drunk, high and driving at night on a back road with more curves than Jessica Simpson and. . . wait for it. . . with no headlights. Upon further review, fuck off you deserved it.


That brings me to the amazing asshole in San Francisco who was mauled by a tiger, perhaps a gay tiger. When the story first broke it seemed another unfortunate twist of fate, like suffocating in dung after an elephant enema gone terribly wrong. That was the call on the field. The booth reviewed. There has come indisputable evidence (in my mind) that this douche, apparently distraught over the 49ers becoming immune to his taunts, decided to try his new repertoire on a seriously large dangerous animal. Now of course, blame first society chime in as well, his Dad said he didn't deserve it. taunts or not. Now that's true, and perhaps if the tiger hadn't been destroyed we could arrange a sit down so he could explain that to the tiger. Then his mother could sit down with the tiger and explain that people go to the zoo "to have fun and not to be killed." Perhaps the dog whisperer could provide it some therapy so it feels some remorse for its actions.

I'm not good at math, but teenagers around a tiger pit on Christmas plus the fact it was around closing time plus a shoe found in the pit seems to equal some dumb motherfuckers, to be safe I may need a calculator to confirm. This tiger was, in fairness, cited for aggressiveness before when it smoked caretakers arm, but I think the spokesperson for the zoo put it best when he said "the tiger was acting as a normal tiger does." Yeah, being bad ass.



***as a public service, in trying to find a picture for this post, I implore you not to Google image search "gay tiger"***