Medical Update

The site that broke the news on the most serious threat to society is sadly forced to report that this plague has spawned a sister disease that is preying on self-respecting people everywhere. At this time, it's relation to douchebaggery is in the chicken or the egg stage. This ridiculous disease has just been named by the CDC as Imaginary Lats Syndrome ("ILS" for short).

Symptoms and byproducts of this disease may include: chest inflation, unnatural posturing, decreased flexibility in your walk, barbed wire and tribal arm band tattoos, uncomfortably tight shirts (this also includes making you feel uncomfortable FOR the person wearing the shirt), incessant talk of the gym, and an air of undeserved arrogance.

Those infected may be prominently on display at your local gym, bars, or, perhaps most shocking, in the halls of your own academic institution. IMPORTANT SAFETY NOTE: do not stare at those infected, it merely makes the disease that much worse by inflating the head. However, on the flip side, do not mock them or or laugh unless you are prepared to engage in battle. Those afflicted often travel in packs and can be heard discussing important events such as weights . . . or protein.


This is not a new disease as many famous people have suffered from it, including Presidents.
If you think that you may know someone whose self-respect is being eviscerated by this disease, try to reach out and help them. Remember, ILS is a disease, and you wouldn't laugh at someone in a wheelchair (although based on the AoF readership, that may not be a true statement).


**Editors note: It has been duly noted that I disdain Democrats and all they stand for, like health care, the environment and especially those ridiculous legal fictions known as civil rights. But even Dick Cheney would admit, the President has a serious case of ILS, evident in all of his poses.