Fact: Campus Newspapers Contribute as Much to Society as Sideline Reporters

While wandering around the halls of my fine academic institution I happened to run across a stack of newspapers in the main lobby. Now, when the mood strikes me I enjoy a rousing political debate, so I decided to spend the next five minutes of my life reading the Political Commentary section of this publication which shall remain unnamed. I then spent the next half hour wishing I could take that five minutes of my life back.

I'm not really sure what I expected here. To be honest I probably deserved it, it's like swimming in a pool of sharks with a bloody nose and then getting pissed when you get attacked. The section in question was preceded by four pages of what students are pissed off by at this school . . . including construction keeping them awake at the ungodly hour of 8am. All this got me to thinking, what the f are school newspapers good for besides showing the inability of a college student to form a coherent, logical argument or even commentary. Seriously, I think the school is making a statement against the environment by killing trees to publish this crap.

But back to the "political commentary" which illustrates this point. The article reads as follows: Democrats are pussies, except they're actually not, but they are acting like pussies because Bush is a dictator and they have no choice but to be pussies (even though they had a resounding victory in the midterm elections which essentially mandated some kind of change, but that's besides the point), but remember they are not actully pussies. It then outlines a brilliant (Democratic) plan for avoiding civil war in Iraq, except it fails to note that the plan of dividing Iraq into three separate religious sections would create another West Bank situation. But good work on that one James Carville. The article was so devoid of logic and reasonableness that we almost offered the author a position at AoF.

So after spending this time learning about what pisses off the student body and not being suprised learning that the institution in question is ranked second most apathetic campus nationwide, I really learned nothing at all. Well, actually, I may have learned that if Hillary offered spring break tips or if John McCain faked tanned, gelled his hair and wore cutoffs to hearings, then maybe political awareness would increase.