Open Invitation: Mr. Met

Dear Mr. Met,

You are cordially invited to attend my graduation/birthday celebration in late May. Look, I realize that you're busy, but even if the party is scheduled for a Saturday night, I can give you a ride up from Shea, and then back for the Sunday game (as I have the Sunday ticket package). I don't think this is unreasonable. You don't even have to take the bullpen cart.

Plus I'm getting the sunroof fixed on my car, so you can just stick your baseballhead out of that rather than having to slouch down (posture is always important).

Let's not forget that this is a PERFECT opportunity to get HAMMERED drunk and do some serious damage to society as it is in the thick of the Mets-Yankees series.

That means the Sunday game is a night game, so you'll have plenty of time to recover from a serious night of drinking and a solid hangover.

I know you're getting old for this, at 43, but hell I party with "elderly" people all the time. Few red bulls and something to keep you interested (I won't tell Mrs. Met) and you'll be good to go.

I've also got plenty of places to crash and even a baseball display holder so your head won't roll around in your sleep. Don't try and tell me you don't party. I know what you did back in the 80's with Stawberry.
Trust me, this is a party you don't want to miss. Look at it this way, I'm not asking you to carry around nacho's in a hat, or bartend (although I heard you make a mean Manhattan), just hang out and have fun. The only request I have is that you bring the T-shirt gun. (We can fill it with beers and shoot it at the kids across the street. Maybe then that bitch of a mother will finally shut the fuck up.)

I won't accept any impostors, so don't even try sending a look-alike.

- AoF

p.s. feel free to invite Pedro. I'm sure he's not doing much. And he can get a guy to wear the nacho hat...

(imposter!)