Fact: (Sh)it'll Get You High

If you've ever read this website before, you'd know that for survival purposes, Bear Grylls has done some crazy things, such as hoisted an enormous fresh elephant turd over his head, leaned back, opened his mouth and squeezed the turd until "water" flowed forth. He's also urinated into his canteen, only to immediately drink it because "letting it sit would give the bacteria time to replicate." Awesome.

It's a good thing Moses had God to rain manna from heaven and make water flow forth from the rock of Meribah. (sucks for Moses though, it was that rock which got him banned from heaven. If God came to you and told you to lead the Jews into the desert and then told you to tap a rock with your stick and water would flow from it, wouldn't you doubt yourself after the first strike didn't produce the water? Maybe he didn't hit it hard enough?) Imagine if all Moses had was fresh dung and recycled pee? He'd have the Jews running back to Egypt to chill with the plagues and fresh water.

Now I'm pretty sure that at birth I swore a sacred oath never to knowingly ingest feces, urine, or any byproduct of it, particularly my own. But evidently this was not the case in Africa, where this practice originated. As Chris Rock said, "people will do anything to get high."

Ladies and Gents, Loyal AoF readers, I present you with the newest-oldest method of getting high. JENKEM. Fermenting your own doody and pee, capturing the gasses in a balloon, and inhaling it. It'll get you FUCKED UP. Apparently people complain about the bad taste left in your mouth. To that I say...seriously? You just inhaled doody and you're complaining about the taste? DOODY! And guess what? KIDS LOVE IT!

This "warning" from the Collier County Sheriff's office reads like an advertisment in favor of legalizing marijuana. Don't want your kids sniffing their own dook? Roll'em a fatty. The names they give this are fantastic. Much better than "Mary Jane". I particularly like "fruit from the crack pipe", Leroy Jenkems, and Butthash.

Do your kids a favor. Buy them a bottle of 'tussin and save them the trouble of crapping in a jug.