Fact: Surprise! Your Meat'Normous Omelette Sandwich is Cage Free

Look, I think we all understand that there are more important issues that warrant discussion. For example how Randy Spelling is claiming to be Paris Hilton's first, 50th and 150th lover. First off, beyond being Aaron Spelling's second daughter, I have a vague recognition of who this guy is. Looking at his body of work, I'm pretty sure I've never seen anything he's been in.
That said, we can be certain of 2 things. [1] He sucks (at acting and life), and [2] he's likely one of the privileged few who were able to "visit Paris" and not (contract some sort of STD) have his pockets picked by gypsies. (Although he probably did not have gypsy tears (see #2) to protect him on his second and third visits. This does not preclude the possibility that Paris Hilton is, herself, an STD).

Let's get back to less important issues. Burger King has recently annouced that it would begin buying eggs and pork from suppliers that did not confine their animals in cages and crates. While this means little in terms of practical effects for consumers, its a major step for animal rights groups (hippies that hate Superman) as well as hens and swine. This might be an issue for those who seek to keep the dirty pigs in their cages though. When he saw what was happening to these poor animals, the King, although never cracking a smile since he loves his meat'normous sandwich, did shed a soiltary tear on their behalf. Much celebration has ensued in the egg producing world. Less excited were the sources of our nations chicken cutlets.

Keith Hernandez: The Man, The Myth, The Moustache

Here's a little post to throw to you jackals. I know that you're always looking for new posts, checking AoF incessently for that little rewarding nugget of pseudo-pseudo-journalism that we like to call AoF. Don't you people know that we lead frenetic, stressful lives in which AoF is merely a piece of the well-rounded tapestries that we like to call our existences?

Here's an example of my prominence in the community which steals valuable time from AoF: Just today I was setting the Guinness Record for "Most highly valued corporate merger while playing the theme to Sanford and Son in the form of one-man band". Lo, my super-hearing set in, and I heard the sound of distress coming from yonder mountains...that of the endangered Pan-Asian Whooping Condor.

I immediately activated my jet-pack and flew to the rescue, only to find that Keith Hernandez's moustache had not only saved the Condors from what appeared to be Nazi-Cyborgs, but it had already built them a charming ranch style bungalow for them to inhabit. Apparently, Keith's moustache had taken a break from providing ever witty and charming color commentary in order to rid the world of evil/zompires (Half zombie, half vampire creatures) (To be fair, it has been argued that a vampire is nothing more than a good-looking zombie that can turn into a bat. Touche, salesman).

The following (and preceding) pictures are in homage to Keith Hernandez and his powerful, yet alluring moustache.

(I won the MVP in '79. I can do whatever I want to...I'm Keith Hernandez)
(Who wants a moustache ride?)

Warning: TV Show Spoiler

There was an article that Bill "The Sports Guy" Simmons wrote a while ago in which he attempted to bitch out the readers that had given him a hard time about spoiling the ending of a recent episode of "24". In the end he was put in his place since some of the people complaining were in fact troops overseas and he realized that he was kind of a dick about it. The only reason I'm reminded of this is because the most recent episode of "24" was completely audacious and I can't get the thoughts of incredulity over it to leave my head.

Before I delve into the episode, I just want to point out that I don't care if you didn't see it. It's unfortunate that you're going to find out this way, but tough shit. (This goes for you too, soldiers. In all seriousness, we here at AoF thank you for your service, for we would never change places, but you should really get some DVR up in that piece, fuck body armor).

In an effort to keep this post relatively short, I'm gonna hit two areas. One: Mrs. Logan is clearly fucking insane. She's a pointless character and whoever the actress is who plays her (I believe she used to be on Designing Women, Delta Burke and Annie Potts could be the bread and I would be the meat in that delicious sandwich) must have absolutely no career to be subjecting herself to randomly flying off the handle in the middle of an uncontrollable world crisis to the point where she stabs and kills the President. A little bit much.

Secondly, I love the Vice President's agenda. He was in office for roughly 3 minutes and 28 seconds before he called for a nuclear war. There's no way you could convince me that could happen, even with an obvious sinister plot that he's gotta be involved in. Something just tells me that this is probably how the real life cabinet works. There has to be at least one person in Bush's cabinet (maybe him, but I doubt it) that is constantly making wild calls for nuclear war. Probably once a week the rest of the cabinet has to shout this guy down.

Alright, that's enough for now. I have much more, but there are more pressing things to take care of. Namely, now that I picked Texas in the final game and they shit the bed, I need to make my RACKetology picks, which I can't do worse in.

Open Invitation: Mr. Met

Dear Mr. Met,

You are cordially invited to attend my graduation/birthday celebration in late May. Look, I realize that you're busy, but even if the party is scheduled for a Saturday night, I can give you a ride up from Shea, and then back for the Sunday game (as I have the Sunday ticket package). I don't think this is unreasonable. You don't even have to take the bullpen cart.

Plus I'm getting the sunroof fixed on my car, so you can just stick your baseballhead out of that rather than having to slouch down (posture is always important).

Let's not forget that this is a PERFECT opportunity to get HAMMERED drunk and do some serious damage to society as it is in the thick of the Mets-Yankees series.

That means the Sunday game is a night game, so you'll have plenty of time to recover from a serious night of drinking and a solid hangover.

I know you're getting old for this, at 43, but hell I party with "elderly" people all the time. Few red bulls and something to keep you interested (I won't tell Mrs. Met) and you'll be good to go.

I've also got plenty of places to crash and even a baseball display holder so your head won't roll around in your sleep. Don't try and tell me you don't party. I know what you did back in the 80's with Stawberry.
Trust me, this is a party you don't want to miss. Look at it this way, I'm not asking you to carry around nacho's in a hat, or bartend (although I heard you make a mean Manhattan), just hang out and have fun. The only request I have is that you bring the T-shirt gun. (We can fill it with beers and shoot it at the kids across the street. Maybe then that bitch of a mother will finally shut the fuck up.)

I won't accept any impostors, so don't even try sending a look-alike.

- AoF

p.s. feel free to invite Pedro. I'm sure he's not doing much. And he can get a guy to wear the nacho hat...

(imposter!)

Medical Update

The site that broke the news on the most serious threat to society is sadly forced to report that this plague has spawned a sister disease that is preying on self-respecting people everywhere. At this time, it's relation to douchebaggery is in the chicken or the egg stage. This ridiculous disease has just been named by the CDC as Imaginary Lats Syndrome ("ILS" for short).

Symptoms and byproducts of this disease may include: chest inflation, unnatural posturing, decreased flexibility in your walk, barbed wire and tribal arm band tattoos, uncomfortably tight shirts (this also includes making you feel uncomfortable FOR the person wearing the shirt), incessant talk of the gym, and an air of undeserved arrogance.

Those infected may be prominently on display at your local gym, bars, or, perhaps most shocking, in the halls of your own academic institution. IMPORTANT SAFETY NOTE: do not stare at those infected, it merely makes the disease that much worse by inflating the head. However, on the flip side, do not mock them or or laugh unless you are prepared to engage in battle. Those afflicted often travel in packs and can be heard discussing important events such as weights . . . or protein.


This is not a new disease as many famous people have suffered from it, including Presidents.
If you think that you may know someone whose self-respect is being eviscerated by this disease, try to reach out and help them. Remember, ILS is a disease, and you wouldn't laugh at someone in a wheelchair (although based on the AoF readership, that may not be a true statement).


**Editors note: It has been duly noted that I disdain Democrats and all they stand for, like health care, the environment and especially those ridiculous legal fictions known as civil rights. But even Dick Cheney would admit, the President has a serious case of ILS, evident in all of his poses.

Would it be fair to say: Bong Hits for Jesus.

In a unique challenge of the First Amendment right to free speech, an student in Alaska shockingly unveiled a sign to the media as the Olympic torch passed by.You can read the news story yourself. The motiviation behind the sign appears unclear but the student was suspended from school for 10 days as a result of the sign. Sounds like a solid vacation to me. ("What did you do for spring break?" "Challenged the First Amendment right to free speech") Sweet.

Given the current geo-political make up of North America,

this prompted a thorough examination of various saterical Jesus-related pictures.

Disclaimer: the images below do not express the views or opinions of the A0F editors. So cool out.

Who knew? This totally flies in the face of the prior "Underwater Zombies" post.

update: zombies may or may not get stuck at a body of water. a Jesus-zombie however would just walk across the water, no longer making it a safe barrier between the living and the undead.

I know at least one AoF editor appreciates this sacrafice immensely...

Hey, as it turns out, Jesus bats lefty. Or perhaps he's a switch hitter...

...Well at least someone loves you...

...always classic...

The blasphemy alert level will be high today...

Running Blog: Minneapolis

Sitting in an airport terminal for two hours waiting for a connecting flight can be brutal. That is why I will record my thoughts in the form of this running blog to entertain myself.

Quick memory: My first flight to Minnesota made me realize that perhaps karma does indeed exist. After finding that someone was in my seat I asked to see the guy's ticket. Apparently this request was over the top because he became annoyed when he had to reach all the way in his pocket and pull out the ticket. Then, realizing that the airline had f'd up his seat and put him in mine at the last minute, his douchiness let fly. He began ranting to the flight attendant about the inherent unfairness of life, love and politics and that since I was probably still drunk from the night before (in the interest of full disclosure, I was NOT still drunk, really f'ing hungover, but not drunk) that I should have to move my seat. I stood there, amused at the whole situation and taking full advantage of his douchebaggery to endear myself to the (rather attractive) flight attendant by saying I would move my seat to make things easy. I knew somehow I would win in this when she told me to hang out with her in the food prep area until they calmed slapnuts down. Just so happens that the seat that opened up was first class. As I walked past the d-bag, I smiled and promptly crop-dusted him just for good measure.

(The greatest flight crew ever assembled)

5:35 - I just spent a good 20 minutes trying to pay for wireless access, capitalism at its best I tell you.

5:40 - Coffee has been secured, although i'm not sure why I want to be awake right now.

5:42 - I'd like to take a moment and thank God for my Ipod. Without it, I would be subject to crying babies, mindless banter from middle aged business women and probably stabbing my eardrums with a sharp pencil because the girl next to me is preparing to be the next reject Simon Cowell brings to tears on American Idol based on her musically induced tourettes.

5:59 - I think Sean Salisbury is sitting across from me, ok maybe not, but even if it was Salisbury, I'd tell him to mind his own fucking business because its a computer and I'm pretty sure you've seen one before.

6:00 - Looking around here and seeing some of the people waiting for arrivals makes me wonder if CSI: Minneapolis could work...

6:03 - I find it upsetting that Northwest Airlines can have "NWA" prominently displayed on all of their planes and I may be the only one to find this amusing. To be fair, Ice Cube is probably pissed too.

6:05 - My bracket is totally f'd I'd like to thank espn, and especially, speaking of tourettes, Dick Vitale for f'ing me over on that one, although I don't know why I thought Dickie V was all of a sudden going to pull his head out of Coach K's crotch, but anyway...

6:08 - Observing my fellow passengers I'm convinced that the real threat to start the next civil war is Midwesterners. Southerners may be over the top, but if you so much as look at Jesus the wrong way these people are up your ass faster than strippers on Pacman's rain display. This also makes me think that Colorado will be the first battle ground with the rednecks versus the godless hippies in a battle for the Rockies. Why you may ask? Because Colorado is the place that gave you both the tank guy and the String Cheese Incident.

6:15 - I decide to check on my seat given the last debacle, apparently part of the desk job at the gate doesn't include helping customers, because the woman seemed shocked and annoyed at such a request.

6:17 - Just got back from a preemptive bathroom trip, thanks to Snakes on a Plane I freeze up like Laura Bush at a dance club in plane bathrooms.

6:20 - Listening to some of the conversations, it strikes me at how uninformed many of our fellow citizens are. For instance, apparently the Senate and the House are not included in Congress, and that Barack Obama is the first african american to run for president. Seriously, stop talking from your ass, I don't think even ESPN News can cure this phenomenon.

6:23 - Further listening to conversations makes me want to punch all self-aggrandizing middle managers in the face. No one cares what you do, you work in an office probably not unlike the one that employs Peter Gibbons, no one cares that Bob from upstairs does not have the confidence to present the project in an effective manner and no one cares that you have completed your TST, AKA, FOB training faster than anyone has before. Bottom line, you are fungible, get over yourself Mrs. Samir Nada...nalha...not gonna work here anymore that's for sure.

6:30 - Time to board, hopefully this post was worth $7.49

Follow-Up: Fact...Francis Bacon

We here at AoF don't hide our love for all things internets, especially the Wikipedia. Wikipedia, like all other incredibly powerful tools of information, is often used for good. Unfortunately, it can also be used for evil. My personal use for it is killing time, as well as using it as the sole source of information for pretty much all of my scholastic pursuits. It's gotten to the point where I will only incorporate into my assignments those concepts that have their own Wikipedia page. We're talking the full range of things here. I only cite to cases that have their own Wikipedia page, which is not an easy thing to pull off. The only exception to that rule is if I can find an article that already summarized the case for me, thereby eliminating my workload completely.

(Which brings me to my next point...Dont' Smoke Crack)

This brings me to the original point of this post. It's the answer you've all been waiting days for. I found out what Sir Francis Bacon was famous for. Actually, to be precise, I didn't find what Francis Bacon was famous for. Walt "Clyde" Frazier discovered it.

Francis Bacon has been known throughout history for his "Swishin' and Dishin'", "Slicin' and Dicin'", "Musclin' and Hustlin'", and his "Fire and Desire". Though of a "diminutive" size, he was off to a "prodigious start" when he invented the Scientific Method. The rest of the scientific community could "ill-afford" to underestimate him as he slashed through the emprical data in a "dauntless" fashion. In sum, his "omnipotence" was "omnipresent". (All quotes taken from Knicks game broadcasts, it is uncertain why Walt "Clyde" spoke of Sir Francis Bacon so often).

He's a Bacon, they're all a bunch of mud farmers and sheep rapists anyway.

(Credits to GB for the excellent photoshopping.)

Fact: Meet my kids. George, George, George, George, George...and Georgette.

You might think this has something to do with George Foreman. I merely enjoy the fact that George Foreman not only endorses the ultimate fat grilling machine (although I am partial to the Snackster) but also recognizes the second most effective form of self promotion is to name all five of his sons George and one of his daughter's Georgette. (He must have realized how ridiculous it was to try and adapt his name for all of his daughters. Actually no, he must have ran out of ways to adapt his name for his daughters. I can think of a few. Georgia, Georgina, GeorGina (rhymes with a female body part), LaGeorgia).

George, George Jr., George III, George IV, George V and George VI. (not necessarily in that order)

Now this may seem like the most random post ever. I mean EVERYONE knows that George Foreman is self obsessed. Hell, just check out his self promotional website Big George.com.

If you delve deep enough you will find out that he is not only a puncher but also a preacher (an ordained minister), a family man, a rancher

" I could get a good look at a T-bone by sticking my head up a bulls ass, but I'd rather take George Foreman's word for it." - me

and a world class trainer of horses. His horse, Bayou Traveler is about as fast as an emu.

What really spurred this George Foreman rant of sorts was the news of a 25 year old "music producer" found guilty of fraud, told the judge that while he has no kids, he has six on the way. Sextuplets? No, unless you count kids born within a month of each other from SIX different women close enough. That's a hell of a lot of child support checks. He'll probably send empty envelopes. Anyway, I'd prefer this version of sextuplets to whatever that d-bag is claiming.

Culture in Review: Lavender

We here at AoF have a very simple mission statement: "To assert fact in regards to absolutely everything and anything." My particular role, as I have defined it, is to never provide anything particularly insightful or reasonably important in relation to the functionality of society. I hope that the movie review of Chupacabra was an excellent way of getting precisely that personal mission statement across. In keeping with that vein, once a week I will review something that is of absolutely no consequence upon society.

This week's subject of review: Lavender.

Lavender irks me in so many different ways. Those objects that are both a physical thing and also contain eponymous labels are extreme products of laziness. Lavender is only the first that comes to mind. Similar is orange and periwinkle. Wow, periwinkle might be worse now that I think about it. I can't even say or type it without instinctively needing to drink a cup of earl grey with my pinky sticking out and discussing the geopolitical ramifications of the pacific rim economy.

So what is it? A color, a scent, or simply a flower (I think it's a flower, I can't bring myself to consult the supreme god known only to its followers as Wikipedia). Moreover, why are only a few things named like this? Who stumbled first across an orange and said, "Wow, I've never seen this extremely basic and boring color in my entire life. Whatever this object is will forever describe it's hue as well. Bonus points if I can come up with a word that doesn't rhyme with anything else in the English language." I bet it was Francis Bacon. He's definitely one of those guys that I'm pretty sure was an extremely important historical figure but I have absolutely no idea what it was for. It was either for naming orange, lavender, periwinkle (pinky's in the air), etc. or forcing himself upon his slaves ("the milk's gone bad!").

In conclusion, I give lavender three fingers up. Specifically, the index, middle, and pinky fingers. I'll give you a hint, it's the Wichita State mascot. Two are one place, one's in another, and I won't tell you exactly where, just let you know that both words end in "ink", of which this review appears to be a waste of.

Fact: "Blogging" is hazardous to your personal freedom

So some douche videotaped a riot and won't give the video tape to Federal Prosecutors. I don't really have a problem with refusing to turn over the tape, but spending six months in prison because of it? Someone must have threatened his Life.

"Josh Wolf, a 24-year-old blogger, has spent more than six months behind bars in California -- the longest contempt-of-court term ever served by someone in the media -- for refusing to turn over a videotape he shot of a violent San Francisco demonstration against a Group of Eight summit meeting. Unless a mediation session today can break the impasse, he will likely remain imprisoned at least until the current grand jury's term expires in July. But Wolf's rationale for withholding the video, and refusing to testify, is less than crystal clear. There are no confidential sources involved in the case. He sold part of the tape to local television stations and posted another portion on his blog. Why, then, is he willing to give up his freedom over the remaining footage?"
...My guess is that he's found a "special friend" in jail, is still training him not to pee in his bed while he's sleeping, and doesn't want to abandon him in the formative years of their friendship...


Like I said, pimpin', and to a lesser degree, bloggin' ain't all it's cracked up to be.





Can you guess which one this guy is doing?

You might think what we do here at AoF is easy, even fun. Rest assured, the frequent beatings make it all worth while.

Fact: The Internets are a Strange Place

Mission Almost Accomplished.

Just for shits and giggles, go over to the googles and do a search for Assertions of Fact. I'll wait.

Yeah, I'm just as surprised as your are. Assertions of Fact, in only a week or so of existence, has cracked the top three in results for the ever increasingly popular web engine search: "Assertions of Fact". The Internets (and to a lesser extent God) work in strange ways.

Let's look at the first two results who, unjustifiably so, stand in the way of our rapid assent to the top of the google leaderboard. Number one is a review of Michael Moore's Fahrenheit 911 by the New York Times. Do I even need to write anything about Michael Moore that the caption of the book to the right doesn't already state. That and everybody knows that the French have been writing the Times' op eds for years. FACT.

Number two is ....well I don't know what number two is. It's something about journalism. I honestly couldn't get past the first paragraph. It's just a bunch of words on a blank page that has no zombies or chupacabras. It's a piece of shit result.

There's no explanation for why this is so. This is not how the machinations of a modern society should probably be operating. I imagine that the internet is powered by millions of hamsters running on those little wheel-thingies while high on acid. All I can say for now is that Google's good, they've got some smart people working over there, and in about another week, we'll be the number one result.

On a side note, the number one result for "Helen Mirren Gilf FACT" is, of course, us. According to the traffic tracker that we have, some of your have found this page through that search. For all I know, some of you are reading this very post as a result of doing that search. All is right in the world.

Fantasy Tip of the Day: Reminder, You are NOT a Real GM (although, to be fair, you're probably better than the man pictured below)

Fantasy Sports, perhaps the greatest idea since the adaptation of the "El Chupacabra" saga to film. Fantasy sports offer a much needed relief from the daily grind of productivity and I can attribute at least three sub-par academic performances and various late arrivals due to live drafts and last minute trades. This is one of life's finer pleasures, no doubt. But today I am sad to report that there is a massive plague threatening our leagues across the nation, and the name of this villain you might ask: douchebaggery.

That's correct. Douchebaggery has reared its ugly head on at least three occasions in the past year in separate leagues I have been a part of. Enough to warrant the immediate action of the AoF staff. The quick and simple solution for those who are into the whole brevity thing: 1.) don't join a public league and 2.) don't mix your friends from home with your friends from school, or co-workers and friends, etc. Keep the pool uniform.

Now, for those who enjoy challenge, you may try a slightly more tedious road, ridding your league of douchebaggery. This task is daunting to say the least, because douchebaggery is probably hereditary and they don't realize what complete assholes they are being, like liberals, so I will merely offer some tips so that you, faithful reader, can identify, and more importantly that you will not be labeled, "that guy" in your league.

(I draw the following tips from real life experience, because at AoF, we strive to impart our wisdom upon you. Now the set up: The douchebags in question were friends of the league commish from home, and there are three main perpetrators that make this league more miserable than having to broker a deal between Matt Millen and Drew Rosenhaus. To make it from the Super Bowl to Spring Training/March Madness, I decided to accept an invitation to this fantasy basketball league even though I find professional basketball to be less interesting than hockey until playoff time. Needless to say, I didn't give a shit. Therefore, I decided to try a social experiment: see how well an all white fantasy basketball team could perform. Since the league name was "whitemenCANjump" I thought this to be humorous. The douchebaggery contingent quickly proved me wrong).

Tip 1: Don't be an excessive poster. Posts are funny, humorous, a great place to talk shit, don't ruin it by posting updates on your favorite players and how they were recently the proud owners of a new cat.

Tip 2: Don't get personal. Especially with strangers. Honestly, take what you dish out and don't cry little a little bitch when someone comes back at you. Think before you speak, for instance calling someone a racist for having an all white team in a league called "whitemenCANjump" probably not thought through. That's worth 5 points on the douchebaggery scale.

Tip 3: Don't over analyze everyone else's team. Is it truly necessary to dedicate several (very serious) posts to why an all-white team can't win the league? NO SHIT! I thought my bench of Matt Bonner and JJ Reddick were going to take me to the top this year!! While I do enjoy updates as to Tim Thomas' impact on a team . . . no thats not true, i don't give a shit. Hey, Isiah Thomas, if I wanted your opinion on my team I'd kick you in the nuts.

Tip 4: (See tip 3 as well) The veto button is there for a reason, use it and shut the fuck up. Don't waste valuable posting space bitching about a trade that you don't like and then cry about how "unfair trades" are ruining the league. Yes, unfair trades RUIN a league, I'm pretty sure MLB owners rioted when the Sox got D-lowe and Varitek for Heathcliff Slocumb, or when the Giants traded away their entire future for she-li manning. I understand it is terribly time consuming to open an email, click the "veto" button, and then resume your life without being a complete asshat, but give it a shot.

Tip 5: YOU. ARE. NOT. A. REAL. GM. This cannot be overstated. It is called fantasy for a reason, especially if there is no salary cap in your league. Do not make late night phone calls (thats what email is for), do not heavily involve yourself in everyone else's business. Stop acting like your future hinges on every move you make. In reality, no one cares.

Tip 6: If you don't follow these rules, expect other owners to fuck with you for the simple reason that you are being a douche. Which leads me to . . .

Tip 7: Don't be a douche. This tip encompasses all of the other, let me give an example, this is an actual post threatening the commissioner of my league:

"WAIT, LET ME REPHRADE YOUR STATEMENT. You will not "try" and fix things, you WILL FIX THINGS! You are the commissioner and have the final say in anything that goes through. Unfortunately, we haven't been in a situation like this. If this goes through initially, this trade will be rescinded. I'm sure (My Team) and (My Trading Partner) called up all of their fellow last place friends to tell them not to veto it, just to piss us off.
(Commissioner)- Be a man and not a pussy for once, THIS TRADE WILL NO MATTER WHAT NOT HAPPEN!!"

Let's ignore the staggering lack of grammar for a moment and realize that a trade had gone through that the owner perceived to be unfair. To be fair, the douche in question is quite astute, this trade was organized just to piss him off. But bad news captain dipshit, in the real world we have slightly more important things to do than make phone calls regarding fantasy moves. Why is this little anecdote important you may ask? Because the trio of douchebags had spent the entire season breaking every simple rule above and complaining incessantly about any trade they didn't like and as a result they suffered the consequences of having owners turn on them and offer objective trades such as Dirk Nowitski for Kevin Pittsnogle.

You reap what you sow. With that I wish you all luck and hopefully AoF has helped to make our fantasy world a better place.

Would it be fair to say?: I'd Hit It.

You know you would. In your heart of hearts you know you wanna bang Ann Coulter. It's alright to admit. She has a fine set of sweater cows. Besides, the hate fuck possibilities are unlimited.

This need not even be completely motivated by political sensibilities. Granted, she's either completely crazy (the personal view of 2/3 of AoF editors as judged by her endless stream of insane quotes. John Edwards may or may not be a faggot, which was useful to whatever point she might have been trying to make. ) The other possibility is that she's just a great actress using the fanfare to sell books (the view of 1/3 of AoF editors. In the aim of full disclosure, it must be noted that this is the view proposed by the President Emeritus of the QUSoL Republican Law Society. Fair and Balanced Indeed).

One thing is certain. If Satan were to take human form and walk the earth, Ann Coulter would be precisely that vessel. This may have already happened. Evil's hotter than good. I'd hit it.

Would it be fair to say: Some things are just not worth reporting

In the latest installment of the campus newspaper at Quinnipiac University, located in Hamden, CT, the paper published an "exclusive" story regarding a professor at the law school. Now I could take issue with the article itself, the characterization of this professor, who also happens to be the most recent recipient of the "Professor of the Year" award chosen by a vote of the graduating class each year, but everyone is entitled to their own opinions. My issue lies with the writer and editorial staff of the QU Chronicle, the "independant student run newspaper."

(1) Not only was this story published in the "news" section of the paper, when it could easily have been written as an editorial piece, it is the headline story of the issue, as well as the lead article on the website. Does this story really warrant such exposure? Does anyone care besides the guy who was offended?
(2) One could argue that the professor student relationship obligates the professor to entertain every suggestion offered by the student. What I'm sure many non-law students have never witnessed is what takes place in a first year law class, where a wrong answer can draw considerable ire from the professor. The issue here was a legitimate one, but the professor was under no duty to entertain or respond to the email. Rudeness is not illegal. Further, the dispute between the professor and the student took place over an email list which the student would have had to actively sign up for, not a public forum nor a classroom. Likewise where was the aggregious conduct? Just because one of them disagreed with the other and dismissed his suggestions doesn't make it wrong, or even newsworthy. The professor went out of his way to raise issues, for those on his email list to discuss, not necessarily to start an open debate. The student didn't like his answer...so what? Maybe the student was wrong. Get over it.
(3) Regarding the student. He was offended, big deal. I try and offend people as frequently as possible, whether it be intentional or not. Put my name on the front page, I could use the press. "No press is bad press" right? To publicly expose him regarding a communications that are outside the classroom context is just plain wrong and could do undue damage to his reputation on campus and in the academic and legal community. Did it qualify as front page news? I highly doubt it. Looking at past issues, there were plenty of newsworthy front page articles. None of them were labelled as "exclusive". They include, Student Injured in Car Crash, Burglaries on Campus, Community Reaction to the New Arena, and QU Property Purchases. The article seems better suited to be a part of the Opnion section of the paper, where a staff writer can echo the concerns of the offended student through an editorial piece. What have we learned here? A professor pissed off a student and wouldn't entertain his suggestions in debate. Fantastic. I'm glad we're all aware of this now. I'll be sure to note that at one point in time this guy acted like a jerk. There are plenty of professors who I've locked horns with over one issue or another. In some cases I'd love to see them gone. Hurt feelings don't belong on page one. They'd be relegated to page 6 of the NY Post, right after Cameron Diaz and Drew Barrymore were spotted smoking a joint in a public park.

I'm sure the staff of the QU Chronicle is competent and generally insightful. The communications school is teeming with literate, educated individuals. Breaking a big news story is the dream of any budding journalist, but this time around there is no story. I suggest the next headline be a public apology for irresponsible reporting.