Fact: 24 Even Makes Republicans Cringe

As many of you may have noted by my esteemed colleague's constant (not-so) subtle jabs, I am a card carrying Republican and damn proud of it. More specifically, I am a consequentialist libertarian; just for the record. I dislike democrats, mostly extreme liberals (and also extreme conservatives) who make shit up and argue from the bottom of their bleeding hearts, albeit without any facts to back them up. Maybe I'll send them the link to this site as my community service for the decade. But even more-so, I despise the dip shits who use their celebrity to spout off absurd theories and bash our country even though our "greed ridden" society has created them and given them the platform to let stupidity flow like piss on your roommate's car at the end of a drunken night. It's called capitalism you communists, if you like Canada's "national health care" system, go up there and wait a year for an appendectomy, that's one less year we have to see your face. If you like Cuba's amazing government, hell, why not take a parlay with their health care as well, (ok but seriously let's clarify the links to those last two amazing assholes) then go learn to love Castro or die. Sounds a bit like New Hampshire actually, and who doesn't like New Hampshire?


The preceding rant was brought to you by Jack Bauer, who is actually the emperor of the United States. What's that? The US is a democracy? We don't have an emperor? Better go into witness protection because Jack Bauer just uploaded your address into his PDA and is coming to torture and kill you for questioning the legitimacy of his throne. You have 10 minutes . . . that's not true, grab a last meal because Jack Bauer invented witness protection, basically, you're fucked. Anyway, not that you'll be around to read it, this post is hopefully one of a weekly installment pointing out the absurdities of each week of 24. (Yes, it is the absurdities that makes it enjoyable, but honestly, it hurts sometimes).

*****Spoiler Alert***** (as noted, we don't care)

This week was a lesson in how government does not even come close to functioning. VP Noah Daniels (problem 1a, who votes for the ticket with a candidate named Noah on it?) has decided to become a Democrat and pretend the Constitution says whatever supports his ideas. Therefore, within the 25th Amendment, the inability of the president to discharge the duties of his office apparently means that taking the position he has taken all season is a sign of disability or conflict of interest, and a disagreement over policy might lead to that. (The scary thing is that this might actually be a plausible argument, proving once again that reality is sometimes more absurd than fiction). Going further, there are more power shifts in 20 minutes than probably happen within a full term in Washington. Nuke them, wait don't, yes do it, wait no, hang on maybe we will, no definitely not Palmer wins . . . oh no wait Palmer has decided to nuke them going against everything he stands for. Nice. Roller coaster effects like this tend to cause some nausea. Fortunately, Tom Lennox has seen situations worse than this, like when he facilitated the return of Vigo the Carpathian.

The second problem with this episode is the fact that Grendenko, in a display of manliness like no other, cuts off his arm with an axe (which just happened to be in the boathouse), then gave up the one guy who can probably help him escape, then dies under the pier because the asshole has been bleeding profusely for 20 minutes. Does this make any sense? I mean we know he's out for himself, but you would think that would include something minor like, I don't know, living?

from this: to this!? . . . really?

Finally, besides the fact that merely waking Wayne Palmer up from a coma has made him fully functional, Milo kills me. Honestly, this is the most unbelievable part of this show (no it's not Jack knowing how to fly everything from a plane, to a drone, to a really big kite). Really producers? This computer geek really goes from fighting some dude for Chloe to pulling ass like Nadia? Really? REALLY? This is the guy that is almost brought to tears by Morris and after taking one bullet he's Jack's protege? Really? I think not.