Today's Obituaries

Yes, I realize that this is a fairly morbid sounding title for a post. In truth, the idea for it pretty much started out in a morbid fashion. I'm sitting here, killing time at work, trying to think of an idea for a post. I checked out the google news and saw again that David Halberstam was killed in a car accident yesterday. Then I remembered that Boris Yeltsin dropped dead yesterday also, hopefully drunk, definitely fat. So I decided to go on the New York Times Obituaries section and see who else died yesterday that might be of note. Obituaries always kill me in that the author always has to come up with some sort of phrase that sums up this person's existence. Sometimes its short and easy, like if they were a scientist or something. Other times its rather long-winded, mostly because that person lived a relatively unimportant life.

Here's some of the highlights from today's obit page (bear in mind that these are supposed to be the most famous people that died yesterday):

Conrad Spizz, 90, an Opera-Loving Master of Smoked Fish, Dies: Excellent name, loved to smoke meat, FACT.

Alvin Roth, Bridge Champion, Dies at 92: I'm impressed.

Marie M. Clay, Remedial Reading Specialist, Dies at 81: At least she probably could read better than Kenny Irons.

George Webster, 61, Who Was Denied Increase in Pension From N.F.L., Is Dead: Why is Webster remembered for what he couldn't do? I want my obit to read "TDX, 159, Did not have x-ray vision."

Jean-Pierre Cassel, 74, Actor Who Starred in ’60s French Comedies, Dies: Yet his death was tragic. Irony rears its ugly head.

John R. Drexel III, Socialite and Scion of a Banking Family, Dies at 87: Life is not fair enough for this to be Paris Hilton's obit sometime in the near future.

Kelsie B. Harder, Name Expert, Dies at 84: Sadly, I never had the opportunity to ask him the origins of the name "Pubert".

Otto Natzler, 99, a Ceramicist Celebrated for His Inventive Glazes: Is bongsmith a legitimate trade?

E. Dorrit Hoffleit, Scientist, Dies at 100: Couldn't leave out a scientist. Looked at test tubes and whatnot all day, calculating friction quotients, determining molecular compositions.

In closing, I couldn't resist the opportunity to use the epitaph from Royal Tenenbaum's headstone: "Died Tragically Rescuing his Family From the Wreckage of a Destroyed Sinking Battleship."