Pray For Mojo

The subject of today's post: Helper Monkeys. This is in contrast to the type of monkeys that I thought about blogging about, namely, monkeys that are thoroughly unhelpful. That would be generally 99.9% of the entire monkey population. Monkeys, on the whole, have given just about nothing to modern society, other than form the basis for the evolutionary chain that we are currently at the end of. This is taking the logical leap that you believe that the earth is more than roughly 5,000 years old, the Bible is generally not to be taken as scientific fact (maybe scientific is the wrong word to use), and Jesus does not normally dress up as Abraham Lincoln or Uncle Sam (this link's worth it).

Now that I think about it, monkeys have been rather detrimental to modern society. Exhibit A: AIDS. I don't care that it's an unsubstantiated statement that AIDS came from monkeys. I just said it, now its a FACT. Done. Exhibit B: Flinging Poop. This is key in the life of the monkey. Poop is there to be flung. Why else would it exist. Simple creatures those monkeys. And teachers apparently. I can only imagine that this Canadian teacher loved trips to the House of Monkeys at the zoo.

On the other end of the spectrum exists those monkeys that aim to help us in our modern society. By us I mean the old and enfeebled. The kind of people that heat waves are meant to kill off. Central Air is unnatural, yet so decadently wonderful. So it turns out that Helper Monkeys are legitimate creatures and they help cripples. (Christopher Reeves made his dress up as Supergirl. It creeped out everyone around him).

I must now make a plea to the Internets. Do your part. Train some monkeys. We here at AoF have already submitted our petition to give some monkeys specialized training. I only hope that there is a legitimate demand out there for monkeys that smoke people/other monkeys at beirut, make a mean cocktail, and unnecessarily demand to wear a banana suit when they get hammered. Should monkeys even get hammered you say? That's a chinese riddle without an answer.