Fact: Robots will one day rule the world.

Call me crazy, but I know what I'm talking about. About a month ago I purchased the robot vacuum "Roomba", and in that short period of time I've seen signs of impending doom.

Sure, they may seem helpful, even friendly, but I've caught my Roomba, with its green glowing "eyes", scoping out my home as it supposedly innocently cleans up after me. The Roomba moves and resembles a horseshoe crab, sans tail, spinning and scooping up dust and dirt and crumbs and dog hair. For those of you who are familiar with Roomba, they have a distinct language of beeps and buzzes, reminiscent of R2D2. I've never done it, but I bet if you get two Roomba's into a room together, they'll beep and buzz to each other all day. It seriously is a language. In fact, I think Roomba's run the customer and tech support systems at iRobot the makers of Roomba, Scooba, etc. That is not a bold faced assertion of fact. Yesterday I was on the phone with tech support, troubleshooting my Roomba's failure to charge on it's homebase, and I described the "happy noise" - when it turns on and starts, and its "sad noise" when it's battery dies. Well the Roomba on the other line was able to make those noises perfectly. I almost peed my pants.

What's more Roombas are being pitted against one another in a battle to the death. They call it a Roomba cockfight. I contend the organizers of these fights are the cocks. Really, who needs to TRAIN these robots to fight. They are evolving. Adding weapons. Here's an idea. For the next season of 24, Jack Bauer has to come out of retirement because an army of iRobot terrorists have taken his daughter captive. He must work with the Chinese and the Russians to defeat these Robot Terrorists. The only problem is, CTU has been using Roombas and Scoobas to keep its floors shiny and spot free. They have all the information they need...Throw in some dramatic music and some bad acting and BOOM, season 7 is in the books. Put season 6 on DVD and get to work Fox. Call it science fiction, but its all too real to me.