Politics in Review: Libertarian Party

This is gonna be quick, sweet, and to the point. Libertarians are a bunch of pussies. They believe in nothing (or nussing, if you're a nihilist. Is there einer problem with einer cable?)Sure, they claim to believe in things, mostly being allowed to do whatever you want. That's really fancy talk for believing in nothing though. As Dwight Schrute asks on his job interviews: "What is the best color?" Sure, you might want to say, "White, because it encompasses all other colors," but you'd be wrong. The correct answer is "Black, because it's the most dominant."

OK, so if you thought this was going to be quick or to the point you obviously have never had anyone assert facts all over your face like I do. But Libertarians really do get my goat. Listen, no one's a bigger supporter of the notion that America needs a multi-party system larger than the typical Democrat/Republican stranglehold that grips the nation. Hell, I'm even a registered independent most years, assuming there isn't a primary that I want to vote in, in which case my party allegiance is easily swayed. Libertarians are exactly that though. It's like picking a party, but really not. If registered independents are like agnostics, then Libertarians are atheists. The independents are holding out hope, not wanting to close off all possibilities that a higher power might exist that will save us. Libertarians, on the other hand, are smug assholes, flinging poo at the possibility of participating in society in any manner other than taking whatever they want.

Here's a quick rundown of what Libertarians stand for (as pulled from a completely superficial bullshit website that poorly lists summaries of political parties): "The Libertarians are neither left nor right: they believe in total individual liberty (pro-drug legalization, pro-choice, pro-gay marriage, pro-home schooling, anti-gun control, etc.) and total economic freedom (anti-welfare, anti-government regulation of business, anti-minimum wage, anti-income tax, pro-free trade, etc.). The LP espouses a classical laissez faire ideology which, they argue, means "more freedom, less government and lower taxes."

A lot of that sounds tempting. I'm certainly pro-drug and DGD's definitely pro-gay doing everything, getting married, tandem bicycling, etc. It's not even that they're for lower taxes so much as no taxes. How are we expected to wage super-expensive wars in multiple theatres without tax revenue. That's a Chinese riddle for you. Also, did you see that a 10-month old kid in Illinois was issued a gun permit. Awesome. All this after long-time friend of AoF/2-5 double cheeseburger eater (the people have spoken) MDC has been repeatedly calling for personal shotguns bought from WalMart.

Final Verdict: One head up Ron Paul's ass. Ron Paul is, of course, the most famous Libertarian, now a converted Republican Congressman from Texas. Weak.