Another Reason To Hate The French (If You Needed One)

Besides being smug racist elitists, there is another reason to hate the French: Mimes. Yeah, this French dick is the reason you are accosted by these douches on city streets while trying to mind your own business. Douche-baggins over there revived the "art" of miming (and buttsex) from the Romans. Sadly (read: who gives a shit) "mime legend" Marcel Marceau died this weekend at age 84. It bothers me that this was filed under celebrity news. Mimes are celebrities? What's next? No talent assclowns living pathetic pampered lives being treated as celebrities? I think this picture speaks for itself when it comes to mimes and your children. That's right, mimes will do an Eiffel Tower (see 2 & 3) over your children with Michael Jackson. Fact. Why is his hat placed there? Let's just say he probably doesn't need to hold it in place with his hand. Apparently Michael Jackson got his famous moonwalk from this guy; as well as his infamous children's game, "tickle my pickle."


I think the Prime Minister's reaction to his passing sums up France in a nutshell: "France loses one of its most eminent ambassadors." Yeah, you read that right, the French use Mimes as ambassadors. Assholes. I can picture a meeting between President Bush and a Mime, it starts with Dubs being confused and ends with Cheney standing over a dead mime, shotgun smoking. It all makes sense now though. Why have the French have failed in every major military engagement they have been involved in? Because instead of using guns they had mimes pretending to shoot them. Although I wonder if they have received their due credit in France's military publications. Even a brief Google search will show all of France's mime military victories.


Now you can say what you want about race in America, but at least the majority of our population doesn't wear it on their sleeve like the French. I promised myself no tangents, crap. Anyway, I'm not the only one to feel this way about mimes. In fact, studies (read: random websites) suggest that mimes may not even be human. Indeed, perhaps aliens should be pissed off that they have gotten the reputation for anal probes from mimes. If you care about your children's anal virginity, join la resistance, before it's too late.