Breaking News: Belichick Accused of Cheating

September 12, 2007: Foxboro, MA

In the wake of accusations from the NY Jets and confirmed reports that the New England Patriots were stealing hand signals by videotaping the Jets defensive coodinators last Sunday, further accusations have surfaced against the famed New England Patriots head coach Bill Belichick.

Belichick was accused by his 8 year old son, Justin, of committing the cardinal sin of Madden Football. Playbook watching. At 2:34 left in the 3rd quarter, as Belichick audibled and shifted his linebackers to the left, Justin threw down his controller and angrily accused his father of sneaking a peek at his playbook. He cited several instant replays which clearly show Belichick waiting for Justin to select a play prior to selecting one of his own. In a few instances, where Belichick ran out of time in the play selection menu, there was conclusory evidence that shows him audibling. The score at the time was 45 - 3 in favor of Belichick.

Said Justin after the incident, "First he demanded that I finish my peas (or else no dessert), and then I catch him eyeing my playbook. That's just not cool." Justin continued, "I've always suspected him of cheating. Ever since I was born his mantra to me has been, "Cheat to Win". It's something that I don't believe in, and will never forget. Somehow he always managed to predict my play calling, but when he went head to head with the computer, he would get housed. The only way he ever won was to play as the over-rated Patriots against a shitty team, like the Giants. What a douchebag."

This is not the first time Belichick has been lambasted for situations involving his children. Just two years ago, Belichick cut his daugter, Jessica from his family for financial reasons. Belichick has not responded to the allegations, and has until Friday to complete his own investigation and make an official statement. If found guilty, commissioner John Madden is likely to impose harsh punishments, possibly suspension from the league, and certainly a forfeit of that game.