Of Monkeys and Sex

You know what really grinds my gears? Basically people that use that line or any line like it making me close my eyes and dream of a day when originality won the day or when it was legal to shoot guns while riding a horse, that would be sweet right about now, or maybe Michael Landon riding a horse. But that's neither here nor there.

Lately I have been pondering the ramifications of sexually deviant monkeys on society.
Pop quiz hot shot: You know what sucks worse thatn living in Africa? Well, not much really, EXCEPT BEING MOLESTED BY MONKEYS WHILE LIVING IN AFRICA! (Drudge Report is the greatest web site ever, really, where else could you get shit like this? Besides here of course, but the internets is a big place and we like to share). This is another instance of why monkeys are assholes. Nevermind the flinging poo, canibalism, or general douchebaggery (plus the fact that I can't find the forms to obtain my own legally) monkeys now find it necessary to sexually harass innocent villagers already starving and having to look out for lions and shit:

"The monkeys grab their breasts, and gesture at us while pointing at their
private parts. We are afraid that they will sexually harass us."

Messed up? Yeah just a little (also like dudes who use the abbreviation 'lil, come on, stop it or just come out of the closet already). Monkeys grab their breasts and make gestures towards women and get a laugh from officials, I do the same thing and get mace and a night in jail. Based on this I now implore you all to work toward equality of monkeys and men in Africa.

Mark my words, if sexual harassment by monkeys is ignored today, Monkeys will rule our world tomorrow (unless Mark Wahlberg can stop them), and then the inevitable period of Monkey love will begin. You think gay marriage is a hot topic? Imagine monkey marriage! Come with me if you will in my pictoral time machine into the future of monkey love:

Step 1. Curiousness Wins

Step 2. Perputal Line Steppers

Step 3. Hippies Enter the Picture

Step 4. The Ignorant Opposition

Step 5. Monkey Lovers Fight Back

Step 6. Nothing Gets Done About It

Step 7. John Kerry Still Sucks at Not Being a Douchebag

Scary, right? Especially that last image, or maybe the dude in the background staring creepily at him. Looks kind like Brady Quinn come to think of it. If you are ok with this future, sit back and do nothing, allow monkeys to creep into sexual relevancy, but don't say I didn't warn you.

Disclaimer: This post does not intend to liken gay marriage to marrying monkeys or any other attenuated comparison or controversy you can wrap your feeble mind around. That said, don't bitch and go find a job because you probably are the same kind of person that has the time to protest everything under the sun while the rest of us pay for your worthlessness.