Fact: Mother Nature Hits Close to Home

Okay, not the home of AoF, but possibly YOUR home loyal AoF reader. Fox, the always reputable, fair and balanced news source reported that "some people believe that a tornado touched down in Bay Ridge, NY." Maybe it was a tornado, maybe it wasn't. It could have been a herd of "wild" cows. It could have been a pack of wild monkeys. They look so natural just chilling on the corner, don't they? Really it could have been anything.

Like the time there was either an earthquake, a train flew off the tracks 10 miles into the side of my house orBear Grylls took a mammoth bite of some fresh sushi that he worked extremely hard to catch. I think the moments preceding the bite looked something like this:




Bottom line, if the National Weather Service issues a tornado warning for a part of the country not usually prone to wild monkey, I mean tornado attacks, you can do one of two things. (1) You can scoff at those fools at the NWS and go about your day OR (2) You can monkey proof your home (or stoop) or cardboard box, and do your damnedest to survive. But hey, why bother playing it safe, there's no fun in life if you're not living dangerously. Do me a favor, go back to the article and look at the tree sitting on that Benz. Tornado? Perhaps. Or just a really pissed off Silverback that escaped from the Bronx Zoo and took the subway all the way to the end only to be MORE pissed off he ended up in Brooklyn? I'll leave that decision to you loyal reader.

As for the earthquakes, sure, they happen, but rarely in the northeast. But I'm going to put money on that it was Bear Grylls trying to kill my dog with a throwing stick, missing, and hitting my house with the force of 1,000 10 year olds, while filming an episode of Man vs. Wild: Suburbia.

On a completely different note, Reuters reports that President Bush did not watch nor take the time to personally congratulate Barry Bonds on breaking the Home Run record. You know what? GOOD, I'd hope the President has better things to do (like croqueting, playing cornhole (a fantastic drunk game for preschoolers I learned in Worchester, MA), and rolling dice with the department heads (clickity clack)). I am only gladdend by the fact that the guy who caught the nefarious record breaking home run ball was from Queens, wearing a Mets t-shirt and "just passing through" on his way to Australia. I hope the ball gets stolen by a pack of wild armadildo's.