Would it Be Fair to Say?: Television Facilitates Dooking

When one has as active a lifestyle as I do, one tends to search far and wide for every way possible of maximizing the efficiency of everyday actions. For example, I manage to shave while doing my daily bear wrestling. Also, I can cook three eggs, sunny side up, while finding the cure for both cancer and erectile disfunction simultaneously. Sure these are important things that benefit humanity, but anyone can do just one thing at a time. I'm pretty sure history will look back at me favorably, probably in the form of enormous statues being erected in places like the White House lawn and St. Peter's Square. Also, those statues ought to show me in real scenes from my life, like when I surfed on the back of a great white shark from Newport News, VA to Sao Paolo, which, as we all know, led to the end of the Cold War.

The ultimate time saver would be, without a doubt, the television in the bathroom. Sure, one might say that the newspaper ought to be sufficient. Besides, if you're in there that long then something's probably wrong with you. To that I have only to say, you're probably a chick if you seriously thought that. All guys deep down, or maybe not so secretly, desperately covet a TV in the bathroom. Let's just say that I make sure my internal clock, so to speak, has to get synced up in time for football season, because sometimes the commercial break just isn't enough.

To those gentlemen of leisure that are on the same page with me, I unveil the Bathroom Television. (Among those names that have been suggested for this incredible invention is the PooTube, Shittervision, and NumberTwolevision). Shockingly, this is sold in several places, notably overseas, which amazes me, since this just sounds incredibly American. One can be purchased here or here. The best, though, is this commercial from Fox Sports en Espanol. (Fox!). Just amazing. (For full disclosure's sake, the master bedroom at the AoF Cave, which is not mine, has an attached bathroom with TV within eyesight, but once The Whip's girlfriend moved in it just didn't seem a good idea to watch TV from his toilet anymore.)