The Hoff and State of the Television Address

I've really got no explanation for myself. I'm reclining, laptop in lap, lamenting at the state of TV when tremendous shows like It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia are relegated to FX, rarely being aired and shows like "The Singing Bee" and "America's Got Talent" end up on primetime. What does this mean? Well either that America's full of retards who love this crap and fail to appreciate solidly entertaining television, or the brains behind the networks are chugging away at such a furious pace that they pass on shows that are far more deserving than "American Idol".

I never really had the opportunity to fully express my disdain for American Idol. It's shows like that, where a good portion of America gets their jollies from watching overprivileged, happened to be in the right place at the right time (or used to be the bassist for Journey) people put down people who are just trying to make it. Now I'm all about this being a cruel, unforgiving world, but is it really necessary to glorify it? Shows like American Idol and the Apprentice not only makes it entertaining for people to watch a guy who can't keep his toupee on straight put people down, but make it ok for other people to do it. Oh and fuck Paris Hilton, Nicole Ritchie and...everyone related to the production and airing of the Simple Life. What a bunch of bullshit that show is. And all of MTV.

But back to the whole point of this rant. How did the Hoff do it? After Knight Rider and Baywatch, America had figured he'd peaked. I mean, where else can you go from running in slow motion on a beach? The answer is obviously being a pop music artist in Germany. What did they see in him? I lieu of actually posting the pictures on AoF, I'll link you to a fine collection of them. Apologies for that.

...and for this too...

Anyway, he's presently a "judge" (and I use the word judge extremely loosely) on America's Got Talent, a hyperbole laden clusterfuck of feel goodyness where everyone's got talent, but no one's willing to tell you exactly how much you suck. I'll tell you what, if the guy who can do pogo stick freestyle "tricks" doesn't suck and "isn't a good fit for the show", and most of the finalists are singers, then it sounds a hell of a lot like we've got another American Idol to rot our brains.

Hey you know what show isn't afraid of yanking you off stage when you make a fantastic embarrassment of yourself? A Night at the Apollo. At least there's a talent show I can respect. If you're a kid, they applaud you no matter what. If you've got skills the crowd cheers the shit out of you. If you suck not only does the clown come out and make you look dumb, you get booed and possibly capped on your way out of the parking lot.

You know what, here's a shout out to David Hasselhoff. You starred in a couple of shows that epitomized America and/or American culture of the early 90's. Then you realized that American culture is fucked and booked it to Germany....and fucking rocked it. I'm personally not a fan, and I'd entered this with the intention of ripping on your, but you know what you did a hell of a job. So I'm giving you two fingers up. Congratulations

But Hoff, you're a part of it now and are as much to blame. In conclusion, I implore you, America. Stop encouraging the creation of mindless retarded television. I can only hope that people realize the reality television is not reality, but made up of "reality TV actors" (i.e. those just not attractive and/or not talented enough to cut it on real TV). With that, I bid you good day.