FACT: Rapid Fire Posting Probably Grinds Some Douche's Gears

Sorry folks, but I'm gonna have to whip this post together in far too hasty a fashion. DGD is on a mini post rampage and I have to break it up. Here at AoF, records are not meant to be broken. They're meant to be glanced at sideways through a haze of bong smoke in acknowledgment of the unnecessariness of breaking them. Now, I don't know what the record for most posts in a day is (don't care enough to look it up), but it looks like we're on the edge of the world as we know it. The world is no longer flat. I would compare that analogy to Columbus sailing to the New World, but it's probably closer to the last Pirates of the Caribbean buttholery of a movie.

Now that we're going in this stream of consciousness post, that whole Captain Jack Sparrow thing just now reminds me of the current (and former) bane of my existence. I don't want to steal too heavily from Family Guy and write a "What Really Grinds My Gears" post. This is mostly because some absolute fucking douchebag that I went to law school with stole the idea and had a regular column in the school paper with the same name (didn't even change the name of it, AND was completely unfunny and/or mildly inappropriate). I can't help it though. Let's just call this an affront to my sensibilities and pretend I'm not ripping off a Dennis Miller rant.

To wit, Circuit City is my goat-getter du jour. Without delving too far into the details, I bought something online for in-store pickup, they of course didn't have it, they special ordered it and it never came in, I bought it out of a different store and they didn't have it when I showed up, then I bought it out of the original store again and they didn't have it again when I showed up. I should've known better. It could have allowed me to avoid such a run-on sentence. If they hadn't hooked me up with $24 gift cards at every step of the way I'd have burned that motherfucker to the ground. I'd been fired from better Circuit Citys than the two involved stores. True story. The first time I was fired basically boils down to refusing management's demands that I stop incessantly playing Black Rob's "Whoa" in the computer department. The second time was racism, plain and simple. I was the only white guy in the entire Yonkers store. Bullshit. Racism reared it's ugly head. I demand reparations. It does make me want to go Jihad on their asses though, like Charlie Kelly would. Oh yeah, almost forgot that the reason an overly fey Johnny Depp character reminded me of all of this is that the movie is on constant loop in the store, which you have no possiblity of ignoring when you're waiting around for hours.

Side note to all of this: I'm currently posting from my desk at home. I actually wanted to watch the currently airing Mitchell Report. Logistically, that shouldn't be too tough since there is a TV in the room. Unfortunately, the TV is behind me. Rather than turn my head 180 degrees (might accidentally burn a calorie if I did so), I decided to go the route of watching it on a little window on my screen through ESPN.com. I love technology almost as much as Alec Baldwin loves the Patriot Act.