Tigers Are Dangerous

I consider myself to be a fairly sympathetic person. However, there come a few instances every year which make me say, good, motherfucker had it coming. One such instance from last year being the car accident in my town that killed a few scumbags. The call on the field: that's too bad. Then it comes out that they were drunk, high and driving at night on a back road with more curves than Jessica Simpson and. . . wait for it. . . with no headlights. Upon further review, fuck off you deserved it.


That brings me to the amazing asshole in San Francisco who was mauled by a tiger, perhaps a gay tiger. When the story first broke it seemed another unfortunate twist of fate, like suffocating in dung after an elephant enema gone terribly wrong. That was the call on the field. The booth reviewed. There has come indisputable evidence (in my mind) that this douche, apparently distraught over the 49ers becoming immune to his taunts, decided to try his new repertoire on a seriously large dangerous animal. Now of course, blame first society chime in as well, his Dad said he didn't deserve it. taunts or not. Now that's true, and perhaps if the tiger hadn't been destroyed we could arrange a sit down so he could explain that to the tiger. Then his mother could sit down with the tiger and explain that people go to the zoo "to have fun and not to be killed." Perhaps the dog whisperer could provide it some therapy so it feels some remorse for its actions.

I'm not good at math, but teenagers around a tiger pit on Christmas plus the fact it was around closing time plus a shoe found in the pit seems to equal some dumb motherfuckers, to be safe I may need a calculator to confirm. This tiger was, in fairness, cited for aggressiveness before when it smoked caretakers arm, but I think the spokesperson for the zoo put it best when he said "the tiger was acting as a normal tiger does." Yeah, being bad ass.



***as a public service, in trying to find a picture for this post, I implore you not to Google image search "gay tiger"***

Happy AoF Holidays

Well, here we are again in the midst of another wonderful holiday season. The sleigh bells are ringing, the nog is egging, and the mistle is toeing. All in all, it's quite the festival of merriment. We here at AoF just wanted to take the opportunity to wish all the best to you and yours on the day that marks the death of our Lord at the hands of the Jews. At least, I'm pretty sure that's how it all went down. I took fairly good notes in history class and almost exclusively watch the cinematography of Mel Gibson. Regardless, here's a card from the always great Gbehh.com.

Laziness Reason for No Title?

I'm gonna go ahead and apologize about this post before I even write it. It's like some sort of weird time paradox common in the "Back to the Future" Trilogy. I have no idea what this post is gonna be about (if it indeed ends up being about anything whatsoever). Could be about something cute like puppy dogs and butterscotch candies. Could also be about something mundane that goes terribly wrong, like just getting done spreading marmalade on a fresh piece of toast...only the toast slips out of your hand and falls to the ground in slow motion and you're powerless to stop it...knowing full well that it's gonna end up marmalade side down...and once it does exactly that and you bend down to pick it up all while cursing your clumsiness...Satan pops up out of thin air and cuts the gnarliest brimstone-laced fart ever in your face that makes it melt off like the Nazis at the end of "Indiana Jones". My point is, as always, the unknown is precisely that, the potential timeline running parallel to ours but possibly with some slight twist in it along the lines of you going back thirty years in the past and going to the Prom with your mom and your siblings fade out of whatever photograph you might be carrying.

See, I've already proved my point. It was a good thing that I already apologized for this post because that last paragraph made absolutely no sense. I should be admonished by the principal in "Billy Madison" for unleashing such a thing upon the internet. Before you cast the first stone, it must be noted that there's a good explanation for all of this. I am in the middle of an astonishing run of unproductivity. In sum, it will be about five and a half months total between me doing anything helpful for society. That time lapse is the period between taking the bar and starting my job.

It's wonderful and awful at the same time. It's wonderful in that I never have anywhere to be in the morning (or afternoon or night for that matter). It's awful in that my entire memory of useful things has been replaced with pop culture references that not only serve as analogies for things but have outright caused me to speak wholly in terms of similes since I basically only watch TV or fuck around on the internet and have no real life experiences. Honestly, I'm pretty sure I'm forgetting how to read. I choose the Daily News over the New York Times because, quite frankly, there's too many words and not enough pictures in the Times. The sad thing is that that last sentence was true. Before I just stop mid-post, it should be noted that I'm far too lazy to even finish this post. That being said, I'm gonna let Jim Gaffigan do the talking while I go eat some brownies.

Fact: If only Chuck Norris were running for President.

Holy crap. I just slaved away for 30 mins writing a fine piece on the state of the world, how to stop the economic depression, a solution for the subprime mortgage problem, and the cure for AIDS. Then for some reason my internet expolorer decided it was time to crap it's pants, and I lost it all, the economy, the real estate market, banking, and AIDS. Gone. Like hell I'm going to write that all over again.

Looks like I'm going to have to go with Chuck Norris. I'm not sure anyone has ever been the benefactor of a pop cultural phenomenon as grand as the "Chuck Norris Facts." Think about it. All he had to do was act (poorly) in a few movies, act (horribily) in a poorly produced television action/drama, and act (awfully) in a few info-mercials for the Total Gym. Next thing you know, he can count to infinity, and move mountains. Now he's gone all Oprah on us and is using his popularity to influence the popular vote in support of Mike Huckabee (which we all know means nothing - thanks electoral college). I figured, anything that Chuck does has to be pretty terrible, but I'll say I was presently surprised. Here are my top 6 favorite Chuck Norris clips.









I was really hoping that this was Bear Grylls, but as it turns out Stephen Colbert was right about bears.

Lastly, this debate was raised: Chuck v. Jackie Chan. Thoughts?

Fact: If you're 3/4 of a century old, you're not fooling anyone.

Look, I know it's the 21st century and advancements in plastic surgery and HGH treatment have made it so people look younger or age slower, but when you're 3/4 of a century old (that's 75 years) you're really not fooling anyone and it's likely too late to start lying about it. As most of my at work posts tend to be, this topic arises from an incident that went down between two of my co-workers. One has reached the ripe old age of 30, while the other will turn 75 in February. As pretty much every minor event requires, cake was served for the 30th anniversary of my co-worker, let's call him JF. Following the cake, the 74 year old (Morat) decided to say something along the lines of "I'm going to need red white and blue streamers for my birthday, since I'll be almost as old as America." Knowing when to step aside, I pretended not to hear her comment, while other co-workers found ways to avoid responding. JF made some comment about bringing in fireworks for her birthday, to which she then responded that she'll probably start lying about her age and asked what age she could get away with. Now I knew that after the fireworks comment there was no way this situation was going to end well. I kept one ear on the conversation as I pretended to be distracted and inattentive. In essense, I threw JF under the bus as he was flying solo in this conversation. Rather than try and make a joke or deflect the question, he picked the first number that came to his mind, 55. There was little I could do to keep myself from falling over laughing. You have to understand, this 75 year old is reviled by almost everyone. She even has an old persons taste in Dunkin Donuts, selecting every single powdered donut available. Does anyone really like the old fashioned style donuts anyway?

So here's the deal, I'm sure this applies to all of our readers in the 65+ demographic. Why bother lying? By lying and or asking how old you look, you're only making those around you (regardless of age) uncomfortable. Now I'm not saying that I didn't get a good laugh at my friend's expense. I think everyone in my department had a serious 20-30 min chuckle over it. This doesn't particularly "grind my gears" since for the most part, I have no gears left to speak of.

In any case, old age is something to embrace. If you're so concerned about getting old, follow the lead of the world's oldest man (ok he may have just died, but he can still lead by example).

Born, according to family documents, on 15 March 1891, Mr Nestor, a former farm labourer, put his long life down to the fact that he never married.
"He didn't find himself a mate because he was a short man and never had money," Oksana believes. (Oksana had at least 4 years plow experience, and was #6 prostitute)
He also led a healthy life, she says.
He loved to get outside and would run barefoot through the grass. Vodka he drank in moderation, and his favourite food was simple country fare with his greatest luxury a slice of sausage in a bread roll.

Hey he may have just passed, but that's what old people do, they die.

TW Pulls Out Mitchell Win Pending Final Review

TW has pulled out a Mitchell report victory by the slimmest of margins over DGD: 10-9.

The earlier picks have held but some excellent calls by TW led to his victory:
Rondell White, Lenny Dykstra, Todd Hundley (particularly impressive), and sadly Mo "the hit dog" Vaughn. The total would have been 11 but Matthews Jr. was already outed this summer thus DQ'ing the pick. Inclusive in this are Tejada and Clemens as bonus picks, Roberts and Justice.

Dougie's shitty list was inflated by the three bonus picks, Clemens, Pettitte and Tejada. Plus Brendan Donnelly, Jack Cust (who aroused my suspicions while carrying TDX's fantasy team this summer), and Roberts.

Quick Note: The Yankees lead the list with Clemens, Pettitte and Knoblauch as well as Stanton, Villone, Grimsley and Stanton. Fuck you Yankees fans, get off your high horse now.

Sox: Vaughn, Donnelly, Mike Lansing and Eric suck my ass Gagne (not sure how I missed that one). But seriously, fuck you Eric Gagne, go back to Canada and suck for someone else. This guy singly handedly almost blew the Red Sox 14 game lead over the Yankees. I hope the Brewers enjoy paying your whiny drug ridden ass $10 million a year.

Mets: Hundley, Vaughn, White?, Scott Schoeneweis (I know this will infuriate my fellow editors given his Gagne-esque suckitude) and shockingly Paul LoDuca (a Dougie favorite while coming up with the Dodgers).

Honestly, how did we miss Kevin Brown though. That's just shoddy work on our part.

FACT: Rapid Fire Posting Probably Grinds Some Douche's Gears

Sorry folks, but I'm gonna have to whip this post together in far too hasty a fashion. DGD is on a mini post rampage and I have to break it up. Here at AoF, records are not meant to be broken. They're meant to be glanced at sideways through a haze of bong smoke in acknowledgment of the unnecessariness of breaking them. Now, I don't know what the record for most posts in a day is (don't care enough to look it up), but it looks like we're on the edge of the world as we know it. The world is no longer flat. I would compare that analogy to Columbus sailing to the New World, but it's probably closer to the last Pirates of the Caribbean buttholery of a movie.

Now that we're going in this stream of consciousness post, that whole Captain Jack Sparrow thing just now reminds me of the current (and former) bane of my existence. I don't want to steal too heavily from Family Guy and write a "What Really Grinds My Gears" post. This is mostly because some absolute fucking douchebag that I went to law school with stole the idea and had a regular column in the school paper with the same name (didn't even change the name of it, AND was completely unfunny and/or mildly inappropriate). I can't help it though. Let's just call this an affront to my sensibilities and pretend I'm not ripping off a Dennis Miller rant.

To wit, Circuit City is my goat-getter du jour. Without delving too far into the details, I bought something online for in-store pickup, they of course didn't have it, they special ordered it and it never came in, I bought it out of a different store and they didn't have it when I showed up, then I bought it out of the original store again and they didn't have it again when I showed up. I should've known better. It could have allowed me to avoid such a run-on sentence. If they hadn't hooked me up with $24 gift cards at every step of the way I'd have burned that motherfucker to the ground. I'd been fired from better Circuit Citys than the two involved stores. True story. The first time I was fired basically boils down to refusing management's demands that I stop incessantly playing Black Rob's "Whoa" in the computer department. The second time was racism, plain and simple. I was the only white guy in the entire Yonkers store. Bullshit. Racism reared it's ugly head. I demand reparations. It does make me want to go Jihad on their asses though, like Charlie Kelly would. Oh yeah, almost forgot that the reason an overly fey Johnny Depp character reminded me of all of this is that the movie is on constant loop in the store, which you have no possiblity of ignoring when you're waiting around for hours.

Side note to all of this: I'm currently posting from my desk at home. I actually wanted to watch the currently airing Mitchell Report. Logistically, that shouldn't be too tough since there is a TV in the room. Unfortunately, the TV is behind me. Rather than turn my head 180 degrees (might accidentally burn a calorie if I did so), I decided to go the route of watching it on a little window on my screen through ESPN.com. I love technology almost as much as Alec Baldwin loves the Patriot Act.

Fact: Dougie Leading Mitchell Pool Early

The early leaks of the Mitchell report have Dougie leading with 3 of his top 5 bonus picks (five big stars worth double points) coming in. Big thanks to Tejada, Clemens and Pettitte for being insecure about their natural ability. Dougie also picked Brian Roberts with a non-bonus pick. For the record I replaced him with Clemens as a bonus pick.

TW trails only by one with Tejada, Clemens, Roberts and a nice call with David Justice, who unfortunately was not a top 5 bonus pick.

'nuff said. But seriously, how gay is SI?

Fact: Simple Things are Amusing

No apologies, (well kind of) take your smattering of posts and like it. In a span of 3 days my life went from part-time when I feel like it job to, "see you tomorrow at 9, here's a list of 5 million things to do." Like the Patriots, it was a period of adjustment and now I'm coming back to dominate. Which coincidentally is why I wrote this post on Saturday (but didn't finish); because I thought after the close encounter with the biggest shit-bags on earth (read: Eagles fans) at the last game, I thought might actually die when I drunkenly talked shit to a pipe wielding steel worker from Pittsburgh. Actually, no such thing happened. Their fans are as gay and douchey as their current QB. At least I'll admit the shortcomings of past Pats teams (Bledsoe, any of the WR's now slumming for other teams, etc). But these assclowns will still take a bullet (possibly shot from a man-gun into their throat) for Kordell Stewart. Motherfuckers defend him all day long and get worked up about it. Intriguing to say the least.

However, today I realized the simple things in life can be thoroughly entertaining. Back when the AoF HQ was fully staffed, a complimentary tub of hair gel began suspiciously appearing in hidden places in the editors' rooms. Socks, beds, not even blazers hanging in the closet were safe. Each time it was found a voice rang in your head saying: "Gotcha bitch". Picture that blue shit mocking you, not a good feeling. I always enjoyed taking credit for the my most creative spots (but, as I was thinking about it, if my spot was inadvertently found because it smashed all over the floor, I give credit to Xerxes). You too can play this even if you don't live with other dudes, I'm sure girlfriends will enjoy it as well. You have my word.

Secondly, as weeks of anticipation culminate today with the release of the Mitchell Report, TW had a fantastic idea of a Mitchell Report pool. Pick 50 names of who people you think will be on there and the winner takes the sum of the $5 entry. My list was not arbitrary in the least, with selection criteria of "He probably did because his name sounds like it, or, he went on the DL, probably steroids." This effectively killed my productivity and led to this post. Well done all around.

Fact: The Jets Coach: Mangenius? Nay, more like Mantarded

It's Monday. 9:40 AM. I've been at work for over an hour and have managed to accomplish the following: Turn on my computer, organize some paperwork, ask my boss for a promotion/raise, take a 15 min coffee break, and talk football. Mostly about the Jets and Patriots, since my the nearest two cubicles contain a Jet fan and Patriot fan and my Giants are cruising into the post season in mediocrity, likely to lose in the first round for the 3rd straight season. That is assuming they don't shit the bed.

The conversations began with pretty much how shitty the Jets are playing this season. I'm no Eli Manning apologist (he doesn't have his brother's happy feet, it's more like HOLY SHIT feet the moment he feels the slightest pressure - and is usually followed by an easy sack or an interception), but I'd always loved ripping on noodle-armed Chad Pennington. Sure every once in a while Chad would try and shut you up by throwing a 40 yard bomb, but you knew that for the rest of the game he'd have that tingling in his arm, that tingling you get when you try and over throw, leaving you with basically a dead arm. Of course after commenting on how much the Jets suck, and how I might become a Derek Anderson fan (much like my appreciation for David Garrard last year - purely for fantasy football points purposes), the conversation turned to the ruthless play of the Patriots against the Steelers.

For the record, I'm a Ben Rothelisbergr fan. Don't judge me for it. And for those of you AoF sticklers, I didn't misspell his name by mistake. It just so happens that he was a great Madden Football QB (the same year that Jimmy Williams recorded 68 sacks and won the MVP), and the Madden programmers decided it necessary to abbreviate his name. He's also a great fantasy QB, and I happened to have chosen my dog from the Ebay picture of him selling his SUV. Ironically, he probably should have packaged that up with his bike, but I doubt there was much resale value for it. Sure I was saddened by the Steelers inability to keep it close against the Pats. But I'm not a Steelers fan.

Which brings me to the Patriots. Now that the Giants are pretty close to clinching a Wild Card spot in the postseason, and barring the final game of the season against the Patriots (which could be anything from the Patriots resting starters to the Giants resting starters, both playing 1st strings or some conglomeration of that) I'll have to admit, I enjoy watching the Patriots collectively drop their drawers, and dook on their competition. It's kind of like admitting I'm a fan of evil. Sportsmanship be dammed. This is competition in it's purest form. Bad blood, bad intentions, a lot of shit talking, and some ridiculous plays to back it up. This is not the stuff you want your kids to watch if they're last hope at winning a trophy is the sportsmanship award (which usually means they suck). This is the team for the parent who wants their kid to be a steely-eyed, cold-hearted mercenary/killer. And you know what? I'm actually enjoying it.

Each week I eagerly anticipate the spread for the weeks game. What will it be? 3 1/2? Hell no. 14 1/2? Try again. 22 1/2? That might be a good place to stop. Then I wait for what surely will be a vindictive game of football. Someone talked some shit through the media? Belichick will make sure that he never does again. He won't just beat you, he will make sure you are thorougly embarrassed, and in jeopardy of losing your starting job. If we went to war (again), I'd want Belichick to be on the front lines, taking no prisoners, showing no mercy. The only concern would be that he decided to drop an A-Bomb every time he encountered a less capable enemy.

Which brings me to my final point. This week the Jets and Patriots square off at Foxboro. If there were one event that you could point to and say, this is where Belichick lost it, it would have to be Spygate, where Mangini outed Belichick as a cheater. Ever since then it seems that he's been on a mission to show the league that he could run the table without videotape, and in some cases with his eyes closed. My guess is that Bill has been waiting for this game for what seems like a lifetime. I'm going to put the spread at 80. Where the Patriots might show mercy against the puny, lifeless D-Fins in two weeks, no such mercy will be given Mangini. Sure, last season, where he led the Jets to a decently mediocre (10-6) record, he was nicknamed Mangenius. That nickname will forever be preserved in an episode of the Sopranos. Now he looks more like Mantarded (OR Mangina). When the student tries to defy the master, that's when things get ugly. And what a show I hope it turns out to be. Belichick should coach next weeks game blindfolded, like a true master.

FACT: Part-Time Bloggers: Not so Great

The ever indominable TW hit the nail right on the head the other day and astutely pointed out that this current cycle of AoF posting is indeed somewhat depressing. Not depressing in that "I just got fired from McDonald's and my girlfriend just dumped me and I live in Omaha" kind of way that inevitably leads to mall massacres. More along the lines of the fact that it is thoroughly not all that time consuming and is (usually) an enjoyable pursuit. Come on, what other outlet do I have for all the nonsense in my inbox/incoherent ramblings on the pressing issues of our time. By pressing issues, I mean trying to put together one of those match the celebrity to the upskirt vagina shot. (After years of perusing the celebrity gossip websites the roast beef just tends to run together, which is probably a similar analogy to TW's work at Subway headquarters).

Even though I am really really unemployed it is still difficult to treat this whole blogging thing with any sort of seriousness. I should probably spend every waking second of the day in an unending pursuit of employment, tracking down leads and whatnot. Instead, whenever the bug to write hits, it usually just degenerates into what I just did right now, which is find pictures safe for work of Britney Spears' babymaker and then try to decide whether I should go with LiLo's cooter instead. Note to Law Students out there: get out while you can. It's not too late. Dig ditches, sell black market organs, whatever it takes.

This whole process does give you a whole new appreciation of the fact that all the decent blogs out there are operated by individuals that were crazy enough (or sick of eating dog food and out of options) to actually quit their jobs and do it full-time. Don't worry all you legitimate bloggers out there, I didn't just elevate the status of AoF to be included in the discussion. We still suck. Spread your electronic indignancy elsewhere. Seriously though, TW posts at work, DGD posts while screaming at the Mike and Mad Dog program, and I post when I either have absolutely nothing else to do or feel bad for being so lazy about this. We're semi-pro at best, like the ABA (that's American Basketball Association, not American Bar Association. I gotta set our 3 readers straight sometimes.)

By the way, if you can't tell, this was a complete garbage filler post. I wrote a great summary of an awesome medical study yesterday but the fucking thing was lost in the internet. My internet shit all over itself at the last second in the posting step and there wasn't a backup saved and I screamed and cursed at my computer and eventually settled on not rewriting it in order to eventually culminate in this ridiculous run-on sentence. Ever lose a paper in high school or college or anywhere and not had a backup of it? It sucks. This is worse though, because I actually gave a shit about it. Since there's no motivation for me to ever redo it, I doubt I'll bother. I don't think blogspot is gonna fail me this semester for not rewriting it.

Fact: 24 Hours is Plenty

Back in AoF's heyday (roughly six months ago), we used to have an unwritten rule: no triple posting allowed. Unfortunately much like when we used to have a Madden season (prior to AoF's expansion) where one person would take a week + to play a game, thus holding up the rest of the league, I am going to "simulate" their game and hopefully move things along. This reminds me that we used to have a three day rule, where once you waited longer than 3 days to play a game, you would automatically be simulated, yet we had the uncanny ability of creating surreal teams, which would boost statistics if the computer was allowed to control them. I'm not sure what the real life Jimmy Williams is doing right now, but if he's anything like the Pro-Bowl rookie from my Madden season, he should have approximately 68 sacks right now.

So I'm going to go ahead now and assert some fact. Or at least have an internal debate with myself. The topic is: How soon, is too soon? As in after someone famous passes away, how soon is too soon to make jokes at their now deceased expense? I bring this up because a certain AoF editor hardly waited 12 hours before making a Sean Taylor joke. Now that I think about it, all three of us did. Actually my reference came when he was still in critical condition and reports were that he was shot in the groin. References to "Ow, my balls" and I'd rather be dead than shot in the nuts comments abound. It didn't seem like it was very serious at the time. Then I felt bad when he actually died.

Apparently by AoF standards 12 hours is the requisite waiting time. I guess you could make an argument based on noteriety, popularity, beloved-ness, etc., that you have to wait anywhere from 12 hours to a decade. As far as I'm concerned, if they couldn't laugh at themselves in life, then they're not going to laugh at themselves in death. Therefore, 12 hours is too soon. 24 hours is enough. That's about how long it takes Jack Bauer to kill a bunch of terrorists and save the world, so it should be good enough. A final disclaimer: I'm talking about celebrities and other famous people that you and I have never met or had contact with in any way whatsoever. This rule does not apply to real acquaintences.

Would it be fair to say: Cell Phones Cause Cancer

I've decided to take today off. Well not technically off, but I've decided to refrain from working more than 20% of what my salary dictates. It's casual Friday here in the office, and that's exactly how I'm approaching it. Casually. One might say that this could affect my job. As you may know, I can be a go-getter or a slouch, depending on my mood and any extraneous forces. Seeing as how my boss ignores me for the most part, I've been working for an entirely different department for the past 3 months, and anyone who matters over there took today off in order to either (1) use up vacation days before being penalized for not using them by losing them OR (2) take a 2 week hiatus to Cancun, I'm going to take this opportunity to catch up on some blogging, maybe read a book, surf the web, and drink enough coffee to make this fun filled day bearable. I may even read a movie script or two. (Try it, I think in many cases it's better than actually watching the movie. For instance, I read the original Tremors script, and although I know MDC will object to my charaterization of that movie as "undeniably shitty", imagining the ground swallowing livestock/people is far better than actually seeing the 4th rate special effects that were actually used - movies like Good Will Hunting, The Departed, etc. might actually seem better, if you have half an imagination). Sure I'll make a phone call or two, send an email perhaps, maybe even set up a meeting (probably not).

I envy both of my non-bosses since I have neither the vacation days saved up nor the money/resources to travel anywhere (outside of New England). That said, my job satisfaction level is plummeting dramatically as I sit here contemplating how best to waste the next six hours. The only upside is that there is a possibility that we will have our bi-weekly post-work Friday cocktail hour, replete with all types of booze and hors d'oeuvers (sp?). I spent 3 of 5 nights last week drinking on the company dime, something that is less common in the workplace than I'd like, and as such I've developed an appettite for vodka. I don't know where I was going with that...My thirst will be quenched somehow...

Anyway, Israel just informed us that cell phones increase the risk of tumor growth. Risk increased if you use the same ear, don't use hands free systems, or lived in rural areas. I don't know what the rural area thing has to do with anything...

I could see this set up causing some problems. Bad reception...He doesn't have the antenna up. I'd recommend purchasing the professional hands free kit to give you the right angle.

Fact: Tasers are Fun

AoF has become a depressing cycle of posting, then not posting for a week or two at a time. I feel like every time I write I must first preface what I am saying with an apology to our loyal readership. At this point I'm pretty convinced that there no longer is ANY loyal readership. I'll be honest with you, writing a daily blog is time consuming, particularly when you relegate yourself to posting exclusively while at work. Since I'm on such a tight schedule now...I'm going to make this quick. Deaf guy, in a bathtub. Cops bust in responding to a shooting. See deaf guy soaking wet in a towel. He doesn't respond to their repeated requests (he's deaf after all), they hit him with the Taser. I suppose it's better than a gun. The police chief had to justify the shocking result by explaining that it is important to get control of a serious situation like a shooting as quickly as possible. My question is...where was the threat? Where was he hiding his gun? (That's not a metaphor for junk). Where would YOU hide it?