Musings From the World of Politics and Zombies

Today we awoke to a world where Al Gore is a Nobel Peace Prize winner. Just because the award was given to an off-kilter slightly insane lefty does that mean the award is tarnished in my eyes? The answer is of course: abso-fucking-loutely. What a crock of shit, what's next Michael Moore winning one? Shit, I'm joining the movement to get Stephen Colbert one. On a serious note, it's things like this that make my inner ultra-conservative want to lash out and take away health care, schools and drop a bomb on every oil producing country, loot the remains and go on a nation wide parade passing out the looted wealth like candy to large corporations across the land.

In fact I would also like to raise awareness of the impending zombie epidemic that threatens our world. It's true, I have a shitload of facts and testimony from reputable sources (mostly a ton of movies and time wasted discussing this instead of studying). My "documentary" doesn't even require cautionary notes about the slanted manner in which I present the "facts." At one point God will unleash a disease upon us to raise the dead and they will devour us, ending civilization. It's all fact, don't believe me? You hate people and want us to perish one piece of torn flesh at a time.

I was thinking perhaps my bias played a role in this but then I read the Nobel Committee's reason for giving the award, which included such shit nuggets like global warming will lead to more war and conflict. I expected such twisted logic from the smug douchebags in Hollywood who give out awards based on who has the biggest mouth and who can smell their own fart the longest, but not from an award I previously viewed as prestigious. Sad day indeed. Don't take my word for it here's some actual scientists who do real work and don't necessarily disagree with Al Gore:

'It's every scientist's dream to win a Nobel Prize, so this is great for myself and the hundreds that worked on their reports over the years.
It is perhaps a little deflating though - that one man and his PowerPoint show has as much influence as the decades of dedicated work by so many scientists.'

'Al Gore doesn't understand the science behind climate change or he deliberately misrepresents it.'

And perhaps best put: "They [the Nobel committee] have a unique platform in getting people's attention on this issue, and I regret they have used it to make a political statement."

Indeed. So think hard readers. If you believe Al Gore, you should prepare for zombies. However, if you persist to deny the impending zombie holocaust, you are living a double standard and quite frankly we have no place for you here. I will take great pride in shooting you in the head from my perch atop the nearest Super-Walmart (guns and food what else do you need? I know MDC is down for at least the guns.)