Weekend Sports-gazm

Amazing sports weekend. I must commment briefly on everything I found intriguing.

First, the Good:

The Red Sox, wrapping up the best record in baseball perhaps made sweeter by the fact that it was done by a blown rubber by Mariano. Backed in? Oh no, the ultra-clutch JD Drew made that a moot point by leading the Sox to victory the next day. Interestingly enough, Sox closer Jonathan Papelbon (as seen below) made it perfectly clear that pants are never acceptable at a celebration.



The Giants defense. To be fair, I'm not condoning racism, but clearly Osi hates Donovan McNabb for being black and took out his racist vendetta against him. 12 sacks? That's amazing at any level. The defensive performance put on by the Giants was impressive to say the least and enjoyable to watch. The only thing better would have been if Antonio Pierce blew an air horn in McNabb's face after every sack.

QB play. Tony Romo. Looking good, although I think somewhere Drew Bledsoe thinks he still got jobbed by him and Brady. Brett Favre. I'll give credit where credit's due, but I still think he's a douche in some regards. Trent Edwards. This is Dougie's sleeper for future franchise QB.

The Bad:

A big fuck you to Norv Turner, LDT (that's right "D"T . . . nickname stealing prick), and the rest of the overrated Chargers. While his face after the Pats game still makes me happy, his continued suck-fest does not. You just blew a 16 - 6 lead to a team coached by this. In the process you knocked me out of my pick 'em league where I had it set up perfectly for a late season sweep by picking crappy teams early. You have all been added to the list (along with Sting, Sean Penn and John Kerry) of people I wouldn't piss on if you were on fire. This brings me to an interesting thought though: Why are we all so pissed off that Norv Turner is ruining this team? We all knew it was coming, Norv is a terrible head coach. Every time he throws on a headset he is the Peter Principal in action. Maybe it should be the Norv Principal instead. So, we all know he sucks, yet the Chargers threw him a ton of money to ruin a contender. If someone offered you a head coaching job would you turn it down? Exactly. This is Norv being Norv. Get off his back and pile on AJ Smith for hiring an incompetent. You stay classy San Diego.

I came back to AoF headquarters expecting to find at least one editor hanging from the rafters and waiting for the call from the AoF satillite office in Brooklyn reporting the death of the other given the New York Metropolitan's epic collapse. I'd probably classify this in the ugly, but there's no other way to describe this team in the last fews weeks than just plain bad. As a casual Metropolitan observer it seems clear that blowing (fairly large) leads (seemingly) for a week straight makes this editor believe they were better off staying home given that they were headed for a quick exit anyway. However, that's not the bad here. The bad is that instead the Phillies got in. For the record, I have no problem with the Phillies. I do, however, have a huge problem with their fans. New York fans as assholes? I'm not sure the word asshole is derogatory enough for these legions of douchebags. This is a city more desparate than a fat girl on prom night. Seriously, they embraced a fucking horse as a champion. That's like banging a sheep and claiming you got laid. Well, maybe a sheep that then died and brought the crazies out of the woodwork.

The Ugly (and mildly retarded and douchy):

The Ravens offense. Yeah, I get it their defense is decent. That's right decent. I don't understand why everyone jumps their nuts all the time though. Wasn't Billick supposed to be an offensive genius? McNair, nasty five years ago. If you haven't noticed they still have the league's (and God's) loudest linebacker, but the best linebacker defected to the team that is going to shut up the old asses of the '72 Dolphins. I hope they choke on their champagne. Oh, and Merrill Hodge. You can shut the fuck up about the Steelers contending with the Pats and Colts. Nice game against the Cardinals. Yeah, big time. How fitting I found this tournament of douches clip to tie that together. Yeah, I'd hate to be "stuck" with Vince Young too.


Look closely at this picture friends. This is the face of douchiness staring you in the face. He and his douchebag representatives are the reason I can't go home without hearing an endless stream of shitty lawyer jokes. Yeah, public interest lawyers. More like this rich homo is paying you a ton of money to give him 15 min of fame and you are clogging up the already backlogged courts with your ridiculous bullshit. He also illustrates my biggest pet peeve in life. Look at me, I'm wearing a suit . . . AND A FUCKING HAT. For fuck's sake, I expect (but never accept) this from wanna-be hippie undergrads or douchebags. You already have the shirt and tie on, is the hat that much of your persona that you can't lose it. Or conversely, you can't find a Jets sweatshirt or jacket to go to the game in. Closing big deals during the game pal? Yeah, those Sundays at the game are where fortunes are made. Fuck you and your back stabbing coach. Which leads me to the shit-fest that is . . .

The AFC East. The suck-fest between the Jets and Bills typifies the rest of the division outside of New England. 0 - 0 at half, Dougie's dad comes in and says, "wow must be a good defensive game." Quite the opposite. It was a clinic of offensive ineptitude, although it looks like Buffalo may have something in Trent Edwards. Buffalo fans should pay Vince Wilfork's fine for him. On another note, it's good to see turn-coat Mangina getting struck down by the football Gods (which may be Ray Lewis) for breaking both of life's most important rules according to Goodfellas: Keep your mouth shut and never rat on your friends.

Chicago Bears QB situation. Nice to see both of their QB's suck ass. Byron Leftwich anyone?

I still have a big problem with espn's "ultimate highlight." It's a montage of highlight'S', it's not just one highlight. Cut the shit and the crappy songs already. Maybe a montage of montages would be better.



And a sad note. Dougie's name sake came up with the bases loaded and a chance to send the Sox to October with a W. He was either going to homer or strike out, and it was the latter. Ugly, yet strangely tragic at the same time.

*Note: I do feel for Mets fans but the same time they have officially inspired a new level of Sports Guy losing.